Untamed
by Black Rose 2014
Summary: Cursed with obedience from a young age, Kili never let it break his spirit. Then again, he never had someone figure out the curse before his stepmother and stepbrother. With no one he can turn to, can he save himself, and more importantly Fili, from the curse? Fili/Kili Slash. (Kili and Fili are cousins in this, not brother, fyi)
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So Thorin and Dis aren't related (other than being married) in this. Also, this work will have implied mpreg (it probably won't actually appear in the story though) and rape/non-con elements.

Chapter One

Kili's birth wasn't celebrated throughout the kingdom of Erebor, but it was still a happy occasion for the royal family. His mother was the sister of Queen Dis, so when Kili burst into the world, the king and queen were on hand to welcome the babe into the family. And so was their young son, Prince Fili.

It was the conspiring of the two mothers, truth be told, that gave the newborn his name.

"You know they cannot be betrothed until we know that Kili is a bearer," Thorin pointed out to his wife and her sister, even as he peered at the tiny bundle in his brother-in-law Karn's arms with a smile. It was not an uncommon occurrence for first cousins to marry in dwarven culture. Nor was it particularly rare for male dwarrows to be able to bear children (as their race had adapted throughout history for survival in the face of dwindling numbers of dwarrowdams).

"So they will end up being brothers," Dis dismissed his concerns with a shrug, tending to her exhausted younger sister. "I do not think it will come to that though."

"No, I am sure that it will not," her sister Ris agreed in a tired voice. Their husbands exchanged a meaningful look, well aware of the sisters' odd penchant for _knowing_ certain things. "Now bring Kili to me, and fetch Fili so that he can properly meet his cousin."

Her husband gently lay the baby in her arms as Thorin led a small, golden-haired dwarfling into the room. "Fili," the king said softly. "Come meet your cousin."

The dwarfling hesitated only a moment before rushing to the bed where his aunt lay propped up with the baby. Curious blue eyes tried to see the baby as Fili craned his head to see. His mother chuckled at him before lifting him and placing him softly on the bed next to Ris.

Fili stared at wonder down at the small face peering up at him. "What's his name?" he asked in awe, transfixed by the baby.

His mother shared a knowingly smug look with his aunt. "His name is Kili, love."

"My Kili," Fili declared in a whisper, eyes never straying from Kili's.

Thorin sighed in resignation, knowing there was no way to fight the inevitable. Kili already held Fili's heart and soul so tightly that he knew his son would have no other. He prayed to Mahal that Kili was a bearer, as he knew the laws of their people would not allow him to approve a match between them otherwise. Unless he had another heir.

His eyes shifted to his lovely wife. She had had such a time birthing Fili. He was not sure if her body would beget another child.

He had to trust in Mahal's blessing to ensure the happiness of his son. He had blessed the line of Durin with good fortune since Durin I. Surely he would not abandon them now.

The visit that would change the course of Kili's life happened a few weeks later. As fortune, or misfortune, would have it, his mother was alone with him in their quarters when he came.

It was supposed to be an honor. After all, Saruman the White did not visit every first-time mother. The wizard, in fact, usually tended to stay away from those connected with royalty, which is why Dis did not receive a visit from him after Fili was born. Saruman, though, had a soft spot for the sisters, as he did with all the children he had given a gift to in the past.

Now ordinarily, receiving a gift from a wizard was a wonderful thing. Unfortunately, Saruman was a terrible gift-giver. The sisters were luckily in that they were both only gifted with a mild clairvoyance. Kili's fate was much, _much_ worse.

Perhaps had the small babe not been wailing so loudly when the wizard appeared in their home, he would not have given the gift he had. Then again, perhaps not. It was not the first time Saruman had given this particularly gift, nor was it probably the last. Regardless, Ris could only look on in horror as the White Wizard stood over her baby's crib and tsked.

"Kili, son of Ris, I give thee the gift of obedience." The wizard smiled as the magic settled into the babe. "Now, stop crying." Instantly, Kili's wailing ceased and his tears dried in his eyes. "That is better."

"No!" Ris cried, running over and scooping the baby into her arms. "Take it back!" she pleaded.

"I do believe you will thank me later," Saruman said with a condescending smile. "First time mothers rarely know how difficult child-rearing can be. You will be lucky to have a perfectly obedient child."

Before she could argue further, the wizard disappeared, and she collapsed on the food, Kili still in her arms, and wept.

She would later tell Kili that she couldn't bear to tell his father about the curse Saruman had put on him, afraid that the dwarrow would blame her for bringing doom to her son. Kili certainly never blamed her for such a thing, and could not imagine that his father would have either.

It was better, she had told him, that no one know about the curse. It would only put Kili and whoever knew in danger. She had sworn him to absolute secrecy.

Well, ordered him into it, more like.

"Never tell anyone about the curse," she had said. An order that she knew he would have to obey.

Though his curse hung over him like a dark cloud, his first fifty or so years were happy enough. His mother kept him as close as she could, of course, so he didn't have many interactions with other dwarflings, but there was no keeping him from Fili.

Probably the best thing he liked about Fili was the fact that the young prince rarely ordered him around. He didn't know if Fili did it consciously or not, but he was grateful for it all the same. Maybe the older dwarrow could see how the commands of Balin, their tutor, and Dwalin, their weapons trainer, rankled Kili.

It wasn't like they _knew_ the effects of the curse on Kili, of course. They didn't know how nauseous he became if he ignored an order, how dizzy he felt if he disregarded a command, how _helpless_ he felt when his body was so wracked with pain that it reacted without his consent to every directive he was given.

Most of it was his own fault. He was the one who fought every order as much as he could, testing the curse's limits and seeing just how far he could get away with. The curse, he had learnt, did not care about the intent of the one giving the order, giving him some leeway in the interpretation of orders he received.

He also learned that if he were _trying_ to do as he was told, the curse's effects wouldn't hurt him. He was very grateful for this when it came to his lessons and training because sometimes, like when Balin ordered him to do sums or Dwalin told him to pick up his sword when his arms felt like they were ready to fall off, he just _couldn't_ do what was asked of him.

His world came crashing down on him, of course, when his mother died.

They had both been sick with a sweating sickness that had swept through the mountain that winter. Kili got better. Ris did not.

Kili was nearly inconsolable at the funeral. Not caring about the impropriety of it, he clung to Fili, burying his face in his cousin's shoulder to muffle his sobs when he couldn't keep them in.

Fili pulled him away from the mourning crowd as soon as he was able. He took his hand and led him back towards the royal quarters and into his own chambers.

"It will be alright," he soothed as Kili cried into his chest that night. "She would not want you to lose yourself in your grief."

Kili wanted so badly to tell him that he wasn't just mourning his mother. He was mourning his confidante, his protector, the only one who knew about the curse, the only one he could ever run to get a counter-order if someone had told him to do something terrible. He would miss his mother dearly, not just because of what she was to him, but for what it meant for his life.

He couldn't tell Fili, though. Because his mother had ordered him to tell no one.

He knew his life was going to change with his mother's death. He didn't, however, expect his father to make things infinitely worse for him.

In Karn's defense, he was acting in what he thought was Kili's best interests. He knew nothing could replace Ris in his heart, but he thought that Kili would adjust better with a mother-figure in his life.

So a few months after Kili's sixty-fourth birthday, he took Lady Olga as a wife.

Lady Olga was a widow herself, with a son of her own that had already reached his majority. She seemed nice enough, a little too formal and _proper _for Kili's taste, but he really couldn't fault her for that, especially when his father and Balin always tried to curb his own improprieties. A lost cause, Kili wanted to tell them stubbornly. His curse controlled him enough. He wasn't going to let something like societal expectations control him any further than he absolutely had to.

Kili only met Holgar, Lady Olga's son, at the wedding, but otherwise, he remained distant from his new family. Kili couldn't really blame the older dwarrow. He himself wasn't too sure about his new family himself.

He discussed his misgivings with Fili, who had simply shrugged. "Give them a chance," he said. "And if you don't like them, just move in with us."

Kili snorted at that. "I couldn't leave Father like that," he replied ruefully. "Besides, when you reach your majority next year, you will hardly have time for me."

"I will _always_ have time for you," Fili said seriously, blue eyes boring into his.

Kili's stomach did a weird flip in his stomach at Fili's intensity. He knew he couldn't take the words to mean what he wanted them to. Even if Fili _did_ mean them in that way, he knew nothing could ever come of it unless he could give Fili heirs, and he would not present as a bearer for a few years yet.

Still, it was nice to think about.

As Lady Olga settled into living in their quarters, Kili quickly found that he did _not_ like her one bit. It wasn't the dwarrowdam's fault, of course. She just happened to be very imperative, which meant most of what she said towards Kili came out in the form of an order. He was certain that her own son would have just ignored most of them, and she probably assumed he would do the same.

The problem was, Kili was incapable of ignoring them.

What Kili did not notice, though, was how her sharp eyes followed him every time he followed every single order he was given.

The celebration of Fili's majority was coupled with his coronation as Crown Prince Under the Mountain. Kili's heart swelled with pride at seeing his golden cousin celebrated throughout the halls of Erebor. Thorin was radiating happiness as he set the shining mithril circlet on top his son's head, even if his face remained a stoic mask. Dis standing off to the side cared not about maintaining her regal mask and was beaming at her son and husband.

Kili felt removed from the celebration, though, as he watched from his stepmother's side. She had asked, well, ordered him to sit with her, as she did not know many people at the celebration. Kili, having little choice because of her phrasing, had acquiesced, even though he was dying to go to Fili.

Fili, who was being surrounded by dwarrows and dwarrowdams, all vying for his attention. Kili seethed with jealousy, knowing they all had their eyes on becoming the prince's consort.

When Fili's blue eyes locked with his, however, his worries were set at ease. Everything that needed to be said was said in that look. And although Fili could not show him any regard in public until he reached his majority or presented as a bearer, he knew Fili would not have another.

Unfortunately, his father was killed in an orc raid three years later, once again causing his world to crumble. Only this time, he realized how unsteady its foundation had always been.

Tbc…


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Lady Olga kept him at her side with his hand clasped tightly in hers all throughout the funeral with a whispered command to him beforehand. He could sense Fili's confusion on the other side of him. He had tried to reach for his cousin's hand a couple of times but had been stopped by a quiet whisper of "stop" from Lady Olga each time. Eventually he had given up trying. For some reason, his stepmother was determined that he would not have Fili's comfort during his father's funeral.

She had probably heard about their sneaking off after his mother's and wanted to avoid the impropriety of a second such incident, Kili figured with an internal roll of his eyes.

He was ushered back to their quarters once the funeral was over, his stepmother being careful to keep hold of him and not allow him to go to Fili. His previously absent stepbrother followed after them. It wasn't until they were in the quiet of their own quarters that Kili began to worry about what would happen to him.

"Kili," Lady Olga said once the door was shut, releasing her hold on him and spinning around to face him. "Now that your father is gone, I am sure the royal family will approach you and request that you move in with them. When they do, you will tell them that you want to remain here with me and Holgar."

The order took hold of him and his breath caught in his throat. "Why?" he croaked out as soon as he was able to draw air in his lungs again.

"Oh don't be naïve, Kili," she replied flippantly. It was an order, but one Kili had absolutely no idea how to even begin to follow it. Thankfully, the curse didn't penalize him for not following an order he couldn't understand. "Do you honestly think we'd let our most value asset just go? It is clear that the royal family cares a great deal about you. I'm sure you'll understand that we would like to milk that for all it's worth."

"So I'm a hostage," he said angrily. "And what's to stop me from telling them all of this?"

Lady Olga just smiled at him serenely. "You will say nothing. In fact, I order you to say nothing."

Kili felt sick as what she said sunk in. She knew. Oh, Mahal, he didn't know how, but she _knew_.

"You will say nothing to the royal family about any of this," she continued. "And you will never seek the aid of the royal family."

No. He wasn't going to let them use him. He didn't care how painful it was, he wouldn't obey these orders. He turned quickly and darted towards the door, intent on hunting down Fili and telling him everything.

"Stop!" Olga ordered.

Kili stopped in his tracks, and she smirked. He frowned but made for the door again, the order having lost its effect as soon as he had stopped.

"You will never leave these quarters without Holgar's or my permission!" she commanded before he could open the door.

His hand froze on the handle and he wanted to cry in frustration. He tried to will his body into moving. He trembled as he fought against the curse with every fiber of his being. He couldn't let himself be trapped here. He _couldn't_.

The harder he fought the order, the harder it fought him right back. His stomach roiled with nausea as cold sweat coated his body. His entire felt as if it were being stabbed by tiny blades. His vision swam in front of his eyes. His head was spinning. This was the _worst_ it had ever been.

Kili let his hand drop from the handle and he stepped away from the door, hanging his head in defeat even as all his symptoms disappeared. He couldn't do it. The curse was too strong.

"Go to your chambers and remain there until told otherwise," Lady Olga said, triumphant in her voice.

He trudged to his room in misery, collapsing in sobs as soon as the door was closed. He had never felt so helpless in his entire life.

The curse had always haunted his steps, but before, it hadn't seemed so bad. It had annoyed him, to be forced by a stray order to eat his vegetables, to be told to study and have no choice but to obey, to have to train when his body felt as if it could move no more.

But before, those orders had been absentminded commands by family and friends who loved him and would never wish him harm.

Well, he'd obviously been wrong about that because he had thought Lady Olga had been counted among those family and friends who would not harm him.

Mahal, they had just given his father back to the stone! How could she be so cruel as to imprison him today of all days?

He sobbed all the harder, both at the thought of his father and as the reality of his situation sunk in. Imprisoned. Trapped. _Controlled_.

Kili didn't know how long he sat curled on the floor. His tears had long since run out and now he only felt drained. He was about to summon the effort to drag himself over to the bed when there was a light tapping on his door.

"Kili?"

Hope welled in him at the sound of Fili's voice. Surely he could give his cousin some sort of indication that something was wrong?

He scrambled to his feet on unsteady legs as Fili entered the room without waiting for an answer from Kili. As Kili wobbled on legs that had grown numb from sitting on the hard floor, Fili wrapped his arms around the younger dwarf to steady him.

"Oh, Kili," he murmured sadly, gently touching the tear tracks Kili knew were on his cheek. "I am so sorry this has happened."

Kili leaned into Fili's embrace, burying his face in his cousin's shoulder. "I feel so trapped, Fili," he said, hoping to get around Olga's orders by hints and technicalities. If Fili _guessed_ what his stepmother was playing at, he would not have been disobedient and the curse would not hurt him.

Fili pulled back slightly from the embrace and looked at him with worried blue eyes. "Can you tell me how to free you then?"

Kili opened his mouth to tell Fili everything, but no sound emerged. The words wouldn't come. The curse silenced them before they were even able to form.

"No," he answered instead, bitter tears of frustration coming to his eyes. The irony, he knew, was that if Fili had phrased the question different, if he had simply said to "tell him," he could have construed in as a counter-order to Olga's mandate. But Fili _never_ gave him an order.

Funny how he had always been happy about that until this moment.

Fili pulled him close again and just held him. Kili melted into the prince's arms, soaking up as much comfort as he could even as his hopes slowly died.

"Mother and Father want you to move into our quarters with us," Fili said, breaking the silence that had settled over them.

Kili tightened his grip on Fili as the tears he had been fighting broke through at the statement. Lady Olga had been right. She had somehow known the royals were going to ask him to move in with them. And she had known that Kili would have said yes in a heartbeat before. Why wouldn't he have? Uncle Thorin and Aunt Dis had always been like a second set of parents to him. And Fili… Fili was his everything.

He knew the curse would keep him from saying anything but a refusal, but Fili had made no request of him. As long as he was silent, maybe Fili would construe it as acquiescence and move him into the royal quarters without Kili having to say anything.

That thought was dashed, however, when Fili opened his mouth a second later and asked, "Would you like that?"

Mahal, but why did Fili have to be so _considerate_ of him? Why did he have to be so careful to give Kili a choice in everything?

"I want to stay here," he whispered in defeat. He looked up and could see the hurt in Fili's eyes so he quickly added, "It has nothing to do with you. Or your parents. You know how I feel about all of you."

"And how do you feel about me?" Fili asked seriously, pressing their foreheads together.

Kili gasped at the intimacy of the gesture and averted his gaze. "You know," he breathed, his heart racing.

"As you know how I feel about you, but that doesn't mean I would not like to hear it from your lips," the prince replied with a smirk. "Or would you like me to go first?"

"I… I…" Kili stammered, gaze finally caught and held by intense blue eyes.

"Very well, I'll go first," Fili declared. He brought both hands up to frame Kili's face, foreheads still pressed together and lips so close that they were breathing the same air. "I love you, my Kili. I have loved you since the day you were born and I will love you until the day that I die and into whatever afterlife Mahal calls me to. You are my One, my everything, and I would give up anything, do anything, to keep you by my side for now and always."

"Fili…" Kili choked out, too overwhelmed with emotion to say much else.

"I will marry you or no one, Kili, son of Karn."

"Fili… I love you too," he managed to get out through the tears that were now streaming down his face. Mahal, but he was sick of crying. These, he knew, were happy tears, but he could really do without them. "I always have."

"Shh," the prince soothed, wiping away his tears gently before placing a tender kiss to his lips. Kili pressed forward and attempted to deepen it, causing Fili to pull away with a laugh. "So impatient," he teased lightly.

Kili grinned unapologetically. "Well, I have been waiting all of my life to do that."

Fili chuckled. "I cannot fault you then. Now, will you tell me why you do not want to move into our quarters?"

The grin slipped from Kili's lips as he cast his mind out for a good excuse. He couldn't tell Fili the truth, no matter how much he wanted to. The curse would not let him.

"It wouldn't be proper for us to live in the same quarters without being betrothed, even as cousins," he said at last. "The entire kingdom expects us to marry if I present as a bearer. There would be talk of impropriety if I moved in."

It wasn't even a lie. It wasn't something that Kili particularly cared about, but it was still true. Unfortunately, Fili knew his true feelings on "propriety."

"You don't care about that," he stated. "And you know I don't either."

"But Uncle Thorin _does_," he argued.

"Father and Mother _both_ want you to move in," Fili countered.

"It is better that I don't," he insisted, despite his heart screaming at him for lying. What was he supposed to do? The curse wouldn't let him leave, and Fili wouldn't understand that. He would think Kili didn't want to, and that would only hurt him. "At least for now," he conceded.

"If sharing living quarters without being betrothed is the problem, then we shall be betrothed," Fili declared. "Nothing would make me happier."

"You know your father cannot approve a betrothal unless I am a bearer," Kili pointed out, despair welling within him as he had a nasty thought. What if he wasn't? What if he couldn't have Fili?

He had never even considered the possibility, but now that he had, he could think of nothing else.

Some of his panic must have shown on his face as Fili pulled him close once more and brushed a kiss against his hair. "Did I not say I would marry you or no one? That I would give up anything for you? If you are unable to give me a child, then I will have no children. If the people of Erebor are unhappy with a childless king, then I will give up the kingdom. I would give up many things for my kingdom and her people, including my own life, but I will never give you up."

"You should not say such things," Kili muttered.

"Why not? They're true," Fili replied, leaning back and giving Kili a cocky smirk.

He rolled his eyes at the blond. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that then," he said, loosening his tight hold on the prince and taking a step back. "I still can't move in with you."

"I wish you would. I don't really trust your stepmother. Nor do I like the look of your stepbrother," Fili said darkly, glancing towards the closed door.

"Neither do I," Kili confessed. "But I want to stay here," the curse forced him to say.

Fili looked at him for a few moments before sighing. "If that is truly want you want," he said. "But I am getting you out of here as you as you present."

Kili nodded. "Deal."

Mahal, but he prayed he did present as a bearer, and soon.

Tbc…


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

He hated living with Olga and Holgar.

It didn't really come as a surprise to him, but it was miserable nevertheless.

Now that they knew that Kili was completely under their control and would tell no one, the two had practically enslaved him. The first thing that Olga had done was dismiss Thyla, the housekeeper and cook that had served Kili's family for as long as he could remember. Kili had been sad and confused to see her go.

After all, she was hardly intrusive, so it would be easy to keep their treatment of Kili from her. Her main job was in Erebor's main kitchens. She brought food up at meal times and tidied up the quarters once a week in exchange for the relatively small salary Karn had given her.

It hadn't been until Olga barked an order at him to prepare breakfast for them that Kili realized what was happening.

They intended to use Kili as their servant, cooking and cleaning and who knew what else for them. Why part with any money when they had such a willing slave who would work for free?

The joke would be on them, Kili thought viciously as he pulled out the pots and pans in their small kitchen. Even if Kili was willing to give in without a fight, which he definitely was _not_, it was doubtful that they'd get anything edible from forcing him to cook for them. The one time he had tried to cook with Fili had ended in a smoking, charred disaster.

And he made sure that the simple eggs, bacon, and toast shared the same fate. He smiled defiantly as he dropped the plates of burnt breakfast down in front of his stepfamily.

Olga sighed and shook her head sadly as she glanced at the plate in front of her. "I had hoped that we wouldn't have to do this the hard way, Kili." Her eyes sparkled with malicious intent when she looked up at him and rose from her seat. Holgar smirked from his place across from her. "Come with me."

He followed after her unwillingly back into the kitchen. She smiled sweetly as she stopped near the stove. "Put you hand on the stovetop where you burnt the food."

His hand shot out but he stopped it before it touched the hot iron stovetop. He shook with exertion as he desperately tried to not follow the order. "Please," he begged, hating himself for how weak he sounded. He hated _being_ this weak.

His hand inched towards the stove, so close he could feel the heat coming from the iron. Already, his hand was getting uncomfortably warm. He knew it would be agony to touch it.

"Stop," Olga said suddenly, causing him to snatch his hand away and sag in relief. "Do you understand now, Kili? You will stop your petulant behavior, or I will be forced to punish you."

More like force him to punish himself, Kili thought darkly. That was worse than them hurting him themselves, though. He could handle the pain. He couldn't handle his own body betraying him.

"I don't want to hurt you, Kili," she continued in a maternal tone that made him want to strangle her. "All you have to do is behave yourself until you present as a bearer, and I will be happy to relinquish you to Prince Fili. For the right price, of course."

"So that's your plan?" he snarled, looking at the dwarrowdam in hatred. "You think you can leverage some kind of bride price from Fili for me? It's a stupid plan. I will marry Fili whether or not he pays you."

"Not if you are ordered not to," she replied pleasantly.

He hated that she was right. Hated it with every fiber of his being.

"Now, fix us an edible breakfast."

He managed to hold back the tears once Olga had swept out of the kitchen, but only just barely. It would be alright, he decided as he pulled out more eggs. All he had to do was hold out until he presented as a bearer. He was already sixty five. If it were going to happen, it would happen before he reached his majority at seventy. If he were lucky, it would happen sooner rather than later. Once it did, Olga would somehow leverage money out of the royal family and Fili would swoop in to free him.

He could hang on until then. It would be awful, but he could do it. A little cooking and cleaning wouldn't kill him. And as long as he did a decent job, surely Olga wouldn't force him to hurt himself.

Everything would be fine.

Being as careful as he possibly could, he did manage to not burn breakfast this time around, though his shaking hands certainly didn't help. If Olga expected him to prepare all their meals for them, Kili prayed that she still planned to attend dinners at court with the other lords and ladies. He might be able to scrape together an acceptable breakfast and lunch, but he doubted any dinner he prepared would pass muster.

Thankfully, his prayers were answered. Not only did they attend dinner at court, but Kili was even allowed to sit in his usual seat at Fili's side, with strict orders to tell him nothing about anything that happened within their quarters, of course.

He must have looked off, though, because Fili kept shooting him concerned looks throughout dinner. The prince must have just chalked it up to him still mourning his father's death because all he did was squeeze his hand comfortingly every so often.

Kili felt guilt stab at his heart because he _should_ still be mourning his father's death. It had barely been a month since he had died. Kili had hardly even _thought_ of him since his funeral. All he had thought of was himself. He was a terrible son.

He couldn't think about that, though. He was sure his father would understand that his mind was otherwise occupied.

"How has your stepfamily been treating you?" Fili asked quietly as dessert was brought out.

Kili's eyes darted to the table Olga and Holgar were seated at. They weren't looking at them, but he knew the curse wouldn't let him say anything remotely negative about them. "They could be worse," he said with a shrug. It wasn't technically a lie. They _could_ be worse.

Fili pursed his lips as if he knew exactly what Kili was thinking. "That means they could be better."

Kili shrugged again. "Well, they aren't Mother and Father. And they aren't you and your parents. Those are high bars to meet. But I will survive."

"I want you to do more than just survive," the prince said with a sigh. "I want you to be happy."

Kili didn't say anything to that. He couldn't tell Fili that he wouldn't be happy until they were betrothed and he was safely away from his stepfamily. He wasn't even sure if the curse would let him say any of that. Even if it would, he still wouldn't. Why upset Fili by telling him how unhappy he was? The other dwarf would ask him if he wanted to leave, and the curse would just make him say no. Fili would only end up even more upset and confused.

Fili excused them both from dinner as soon as Kili had finished his blueberry cobbler. Kili glanced at his stepmother, who watched them exit with a smirk. Of course, she wasn't upset about him sneaking off with Fili. She was banking on the prince being so in love with him that he'd pay any price to keep him.

Fili led him to one of the few balconies that opened to the outside of the mountain before turning to him with a smile. Kili took a moment to admire the golden prince bathed in silver moonlight and wondered how he could possible deserve the love of this gorgeous dwarf. But then, he didn't think anyone could _ever_ deserve Fili.

Fili's smile widened as he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Kili's waist. "There's that beautiful smile I love," he said.

Kili hadn't even realized his lips had curved upwards. "It's hard not to smile when I'm with you," he pointed out, shaking his head at his own sappiness.

"Then you should definitely be around me more," Fili suggested, leaning close and brushing a kiss to his lips.

"Is that so?" he asked coyly before wrapping his arms around Fili's neck and pulling him in for a deeper kiss. He moaned as Fili's tongue darted out to meet his own. It was a bit sloppy, neither of them particularly experienced, but it was perfect to Kili.

"Mahal, you'll be the death of me," Fili gasped out as they broke apart. "It is hard enough to control myself around you without you tempting me so."

"You love me even if I'm making trouble," he replied confidently with a smirk.

Fili snorted. "If? There's no if between you and trouble. But I do love you."

He sighed and rested his head on the prince's shoulder. "I love you too."

He endure Olga as long as he had this at the end of everything. As long as he had Fili, nothing Olga could do could hurt him.

He didn't realize until the next morning, though, that Olga was hardly his biggest problem.

He was attempting to cook breakfast the next morning. He had been mildly successive with the scrambled eggs and toast the previous morning, so he figured it would be safest to stick with that menu. Olga would just have to deal with having the same breakfast twice in a row. It was better than him ruining whatever else he tried to make.

He had just picked up the egg basket when he felt rough hands grab his hips. Startled, the eggs went flying, breaking as they hit the hard stone floor.

"Looks like we're not having eggs for breakfast," Holgar chuckled in his ear. "I guess you'll have to try to make something else."

"Let go of me," Kili hissed, twisting away from Holgar's hands.

The other dwarf just laughed cruelly. "You know, I do believe my dear mother is wrong about how to deal with you."

Kili ignored him and turned to dig out some oats from the cupboard. Olga would have to deal with oatmeal this morning now.

"Just giving you away for a little bit of gold?" he continued, shaking his head. "The perfectly obedient slave. That's worth a lot more than gold."

He scowled as he put a pot of water on to boil but refused to respond. He froze, though, as Holgar came up behind him against and grabbed his hips, pulling him back so that his back was flush against his stepbrother's chest.

He tried to squirm away but was stopped by a bark of "be still."

"You're an awfully pretty little thing," he whispered lustily in his ear. "And I must admit that I find the idea of a bed partner who will do anything he is told quite intriguing."

Kili's blood ran cold at the words, and he felt sick as Holgar ground himself into Kili. "No," he growled, squirming away once more as his stepbrother had failed to specify how long he was meant to stay still. "You cannot make me betray Fili like that."

"Of course I can," he sneered. "With one order, I could make you shove a dagger in the prince's back. I can certainly make you be unfaithful to him."

Kili stared at him with dawning horror.

"Now hurry up and cook for us," Holgar ordered. "Mother is waiting for her breakfast."

Thankfully, oatmeal was fairly easy to make because Kili could think of nothing else but his encounter with Holgar.

The threat of Holgar ordering him into his bed was terrifying enough, but it was his last words that haunted him the most.

'_With one order, I could make you shove a dagger in the prince's back.'_

Mahal, he had never thought his curse could hurt Fili, but now that the idea was in his head, he could think of nothing else.

Obviously, it wasn't that difficult to figure out that he would do everything he was told. Olga had certainly figured it out in very little time. And how much scrutiny would he be under as Fili's consort? If anyone wanted to harm Fili or his parents, they would have an easy-made assassin already in the perfect position.

He bit back a sob, quickly taking the bowls of oatmeal into the dining room before fleeing to his room and collapsing on his bed.

He couldn't put Fili in danger. He _couldn't_. But he was already, wasn't he? Every moment he spent with Fili, he was putting him in danger.

The entire kingdom knew how close they were. He was sure every enemy that Erebor had knew about them as well. It was no secret how close the two cousins were. Countless visiting dignitaries had seen how inseparable they were.

All it took was one wrong person to figure out his curse, and the entire kingdom could be brought to its knees.

He couldn't hold back his sobs any longer.

Fili was his light at the end of the tunnel, but he couldn't have that happy ending anymore. He had been naïve to think that he could ever have it in the first place. His curse would doom the entire kingdom, would doom _Fili_. He couldn't let that happen.

He would figure out a plan later. All he could do now, though, was curl up on his bed and weep pitifully for the happiness he might have had.

Tbc…


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Once he had run out of tears, Kili knew he had no time to waste in figuring out a plan. He felt like his entire world was shattered with the realization that he had to stay away from Fili. He was barely coping with that. If Holgar followed through with his other threats, Kili didn't think he could live through that.

He had to get away as soon as possible.

Kili locked his bedroom door, not wanting either Olga or Holgar to barge into his room during his preparations. He dug a small pack out from under his bed and filled it with a couple changes of clothes, a map, and a bag of coins he had managed to keep secret from his stepfamily. He tied an old bedroll on top of the pack before stashing the whole thing under his bed again.

He nodded after backing up and making sure the pack wasn't visible from the doorway. Olga and Holgar wouldn't like come any further into his room than that, at least not with him around. And the next time he _wasn't_ around, he planned on not coming back.

That's all he could do at the moment. He would just have to be ready to move as soon as he could. There was just one thing left that he could do at the moment.

Kili sat down heavily at his desk, then, and picked up a leaf of parchment and dipped a quill into his inkwell. He took a deep breath before putting quill to parchment.

_Dear Fili_, he began. Tears filled in his eyes as he thought about what he should write. How did you tell someone goodbye without explaining why? How did you break the heart of the one person you never wanted to hurt? What was kinder, telling Fili that he would always love him and leave him with a bit of hope or lying and saying he never loved him and let him go on with his life?

In the end, he just wasn't strong enough to lie to Fili, not on top of the other lies he had been forced to tell him.

_I love you, but I can't stay. I can't explain why_, _but_ _I can't be with you. Not as things are now._ He bit his lip as a tear fell onto the sheet and smudged the ink a little.

_I will come back if I can_, he couldn't help but add. Maybe it was cruel to give Fili false hope, but he didn't want to give up all hope himself. _But don't wait for me. I do not know that I will succeed in my plan. If I do not, I want to know that you will be happy even if I fail._

Kili felt sick at the thought of Fili having a life with someone else, but he knew that it was selfish of him. Fili deserved to be happy even if Kili could not be.

_Forever yours,_

_Kili_

He carefully folded the letter and sealed it with a bit of wax. He pulled his pack out once more and tucked the letter inside before hiding the pack again. Now all he had to was wait.

It wouldn't take long, he knew. Olga had said that he could not leave the quarters without permission, but she would have to give him permission to leave in order to attend dinner. All he needed was an excuse to hang back and not leave until after his stepfamily did.

It was fairly easy, in the end. All he had to do was make sure to not be dressed in time. When Olga called him out, she took one look at him before curling her lip up in disgust.

"Get dressed and come to dinner," she ordered disdainfully. "If you are going to hold the prince's interest, you must be _present_."

Kili smiled grimly to himself after the door shut behind them. He ran back to his room and dressed quickly in some sturdy traveling clothes, grateful that Olga had not been specific in _what_ he was supposed to put on. He quickly put on his hooded cloak and grabbed his pack from its hiding spot.

He waited until he was sure that stepfamily would be settled into the main dining hall before sneaking out of their quarters. The "come to dinner" part of Olga's command was unspecific enough that Kili knew as long as he went somewhere where dinner was available, the curse would be appeased. Since he had been planning to sneak to the kitchen anyway, it was relatively easy to avoid the unpleasant side-effects of disobeying.

What he hadn't counted on, though, was being caught sneaking into the kitchen.

"Kili!" a jovial voice called, startling him as he was attempting to creep quietly into the larder. He whirled around and stared at the dwarf who called him in wide-eyed alarm. He knew it wasn't warranted, of course, as Bombur, the rotund head chef, was probably the gentlest soul Kili had ever met and had known Kili ever since he was old enough to toddle along after Fili.

"My boy," Bombur looked at him in concern, leading him into the larder and away from the bustle of the kitchen staff. He took in his travel cloak and the pack on his back. "Going somewhere?"

Kili bit his lip and looked down. "I have to leave, Bombur," he whispered desperately. "Please don't try and stop me."

"Do you plan on returning?" he asked softly.

"I hope to," he muttered. "But it may not be possible."

"The prince will be heartbroken," he pointed out sadly, large eyes practically begging him not to go.

"It's breaking my heart, too, but I have to," he insisted, voice thick with tears. "I don't have another choice. Please don't argue with me on this."

Bombur was quiet for a moment before finally sighing. "Where will you go?"

"Isengard," he answered.

Something like comprehension dawned on the cook's face. "You shouldn't go alone," he warned suddenly. "The roads are dangerous."

That was probably true. He hadn't even thought about the dangers outside of Erebor, which he knew was foolish of him. He had not had time to sneak into the training grounds to grab his bow and his sword. Olga had unfortunately ordered that his weapons be kept away from their quarters or he would have had them already. He wasn't even sure if he would be able to sneak in unseen.

A cold sweat broke out on his forehead. The more people who saw him creeping around in traveling gear, the more chance word would reach his stepfamily that he was leaving. Or, more likely, the royal family.

There was no way his aunt and uncle would let him just leave without an adequate explanation, which he couldn't give them. And Fili… well, if Fili asked him to stay, he probably wouldn't even put up a fight.

"There's no one to travel with," he said. "And there's no time to find anyone."

"Can you wait one night?" Bombur asked earnestly. "My brother and cousin will accompany you."

"I _can't_ wait," he insisted. "I may not get another chance."

"Then wait for them on the outskirts of Dale!" the cook cried. The order took hold of Kili, and he scowled and nodded, not liking being forced to wait for companions and risk being found before he was well and truly away.

"I cannot wait long," Kili said, trying to make it sound as if he would leave without them, even if the curse would stop him from going any further than Dale without them.

"They will depart first thing in the morning," Bombur assured him. "They'll be no more than half a day behind you."

"Fine," Kili spat sullenly, having no other choice. He didn't know why Bombur was so insistent, nor why he was so sure his brother and cousin would even _want_ to join his journey. "I came here for food," he said, changing the subject.

Bombur smiled at him and took his pack, filling it to the brim with non-perishable food. "I'm sorry we don't have any hardtack that will last you longer," he said mournfully. "A patrol just set out this morning and took all we had."

"It'll be fine," Kili said. He planned on getting his bow anyway. He could catch his own food on the road. He dug around in his bag and pulled out his letter. "Could you have this letter delivered to Fili in the morning?"

The cook gave him a sad smile. "Of course, my lord."

Kili snorted. "I am nobody's lord, Bombur."

"I may not know why you are running exactly," the cook replied slowly. "But I do not you would leave the prince on threat of death. Whatever your reasons, I do know that your decision demands respect. And whether or not you return, you will always be the only consort the prince will ever take. So yes, you are my lord, be it official or not."

"I pray you are wrong," he said. "I would have him be happy."

"You're a fool if you think he'll be happy without you," Bombur informed sadly. Kili wished the cook would be less honest with him. "But you must do what you must do. Now off with you. Gather your weapons and leave before you are missed."

Kili nodded, taking the orders in stride as they were what he had been planning all along. "Thank you, Bombur."

He dashed out of the kitchen and made for the training grounds, skirting around the few guards he saw hanging about and grabbing his weapons. It was easy enough to sneak out of the front gates after that, as there was a good bit of foot traffic on the lower levels of Erebor. No one even batted an eye at him.

It took him all night to reach Dale. He could not stop himself from glancing behind him, terrified that he would find that he was being pursued. No matter how well-meaning a search party, one misspoken request-turned-order, and he would be forced back to Erebor, back to where he put everyone he loved in danger.

He didn't dare search for an inn once he reached the outskirts of the city of Men. If anyone was searching for him, they'd look for him at the inns first. They'd never expect a sheltered dwarf like himself to stick to make camp outside the city instead of seeking shelter.

Which was exactly why he would camp outside the city. Besides, it was probably better to save whatever coin he could.

He chose a large tree not far from the road and climbed as high as he could, an added precaution as he knew very few would look for a dwarf in a tree like an elf. He chose a large limb that gave him an excellent view of the road to Erebor. He braced himself between two branches, settling in to doze for a few hours.

It was probably a foolish thing to do, considering the risk of falling and breaking his neck if he twitched the wrong way in his sleep. It wasn't as if he would be sleeping very deeply, though, not with the unease of his mind.

He was certain he would probably not sleep well until he was at least a week's journey from the Lonely Mountain.

He was very surprised, then, when the next thing he was aware of was a voice calling his name.

"Kili!" a voice bellowed from near the road. "Come on, you little princeling, where are ya? Bombur sent us!"

Kili winced as he forced his stiff limbs to work, happy to note that it was just past noon but still peeved at the noise the dwarrows were making.

"Quiet!" he hissed, stalking towards the two. He recognized Bofur, Bombur's brother, having seen him once or twice. That was a hat one did not forget. He did not recognize the dwarf with him, but assumed it was his cousin. "And I'm not a prince so don't call me one!"

Bofur just grinned at him good-naturedly. "Close enough," he shrugged. "This here is me cousin, Bifur." The taller, wild looking dwarf growled something out at him, causing Kili to jump back slightly in alarm.

"No need to worry. He's harmless," Bofur assured him.

Kili looked at the two dwarrows suspiciously. He trusted Bombur, but he didn't understand why he was so insistent that these two accompany him. "Why did you come?"

"Well, we're going to see the White Wizard, yeah?" Bofur replied with a grin and an arm slung over Kili's shoulder in a friendly manner. "I expect our reason is the same as yours."

Understanding dawned over Kili's face. One or both of them must be cursed too. Well, at least they had as much incentive to make it to Isengard as he did.

"I can't talk about my reason, but I must tell you that it's dangerous to be near me," Kili warned.

"Fair enough," Bofur said. "How about we get a move on and put as much distance between us in the mountain as possible, eh? No one is going to be looking for Bifur or me, but I have an inkling that you might be missed, little prince."

"I'm not a prince," he protested again, even as he took Bofur's suggestion. They could continue on the East Road until they reached the Anduin. None would think they had taken that path. It was no secret that the Elves of the Greenwood were not trusted by the royal family of Erebor. They would no doubt assume Kili carried the same prejudice.

His main plan of evasion was to do the opposite of what would be expected of him. And since none expected him to head to Isengard to begin with, he thought he was doing a fairly good job.

"Do you really not know that the whole kingdom pretty much considers you royalty?" Bofur asked incredulously, shaking his head with a smile. "There will be many tears when they learn you're gone."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Kili snapped.

"No, I suppose it wouldn't," the other dwarf admitted with a rueful smile.

"Why does your cousin not speak?" Kili asked, desperate for a change of subject.

Bifur garbled something out that Kili didn't understand and made complicated hand gestures.

Bofur just shook his head at his cousin. "He's not goin' to understand all that." He looked at Kili with a sad smile. "That's why we're headed to see Saruman."

"He put a curse on Bifur," the younger dwarf summed up, giving Bifur an understanding look.

Bofur snorted. "Aye, called it a gift, he did. Mind you, I wasn't there as I wasn't born yet, but he told me aunt that he was granting her a great favor. Favor!"

"Why would he think that not being able to speak a gift?"

Bifur let out a string of words that made no sense to Kili and again made a series of hand gestures.

"Calm down, Bifur, I'll tell him," Bofur said in a placating tone. "It was meant to be a gift of language," he explained to Kili. "And I suppose it took in one way. He can understand all manner of tongues, Bifur can. Only they all get mixed up in his head when he tries to speak. Can't even write, as all the letters get jumbled together."

"That's awful," Kili said.

"It could be worse," he replied jovially. "Bombur and I learned to communicate with him through hand gestures, and that's been right useful. But he'd be able to have a fuller life if we can get the wizard to reverse it. Not nearly as bad as you have it, I'd wager."

Kili opened his mouth to comment on his own predicament, but the curse made the words stick in his throat. "What do you know of how I have it?" he asked sullenly, more annoyed at his own ability to talk about it than he was at Bofur's presumption.

Bofur, luckily, did not take offense at his tone, though Bifur gave him a knowing look. He suppose the other cursed dwarf knew exactly what it was like to not be able to say what you wished.

"I know it's bad enough for you to leave everything you've ever known to get rid of it," Bofur replied. "And I know you think it's dangerous, so I reckon you left mostly because you were afraid of Prince Fili being hurt by it."

"Not just Fili," Kili conceded with a sigh. "All of Erebor was in danger with me there."

"Aye, that must be a heavy curse, then," he said sympathetically. "I'm sure once you explain it to Saruman, though, that he'll reverse it. Wizards are probably reasonable folk."

Kili smiled at his new companions. "Let us hope so."

Tbc…


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Kili had only visited Dale a two times in his life. Both times, he was surrounded by his family and their guards. Because of this, he hadn't had much of a chance to explore the city, let alone see where the Great East Road began. So when they had skated around the city and he saw the wide and well-worn path stretch out in the distance, his heart sank. The lake lay between Dale and the beginning of the road. How had he not realized that when he looked at his map?

"No need for the long face," Bofur said with a smile. "There are plenty of ferries that will take us across the lake, most for only a small bit of coin too."

He chewed his lip nervously. He was sure that, had he gotten to the docks that morning when he had first gotten to Dale, catching a ferry would have been no problem. Now, though, all he could picture was Holgar waiting for him at the docks, ready to order him back to the mountain and into the older dwarf's bed.

Kili shuddered violently at the thought. In his head, he knew that, even if there _were_ dwarrows waiting to take him back to the mountain at the docks, his stepbrother would probably not be there himself, and even if he _were_, he wouldn't give him any truly dangerous orders in front of others. It didn't stop him from being wary of the docks.

However, if they didn't go to the docks to catch a ferry, how would they get across the lake? They couldn't go around. The River Running flowed on either side of it, and to the south, the Forest River emptied into the Long Lake.

Mahal, maybe he shouldn't have left as quickly as he did. Maybe he should have taken the time to study his maps. Why had he focused so much on what he would do later on in his journey and not enough on how to get out of his little corner of Middle Earth?

He felt like a fool. How could he not realize that Dale was surrounded by water to the south and east? Going west, he knew, was no good. The Forest River swept north to the Grey Mountains. That would take them too far out of the way, unless there were a crossing somewhere in the Greenwood, which he wasn't willing to count on.

The frustrating thing was that even if they were able to get over the lake, they'd still have to cross the River Running _again_ once they got on the road, though he was sure there was probably a bridge or ford that would make that much easier.

That didn't matter, though, because they still had the problem of the lake _right now_.

"They'll find me," Kili whispered in a pained voice. "I _can't_ go back."

"They may not even be looking for you yet," Bofur pointed out.

An image of Olga's greedy, cruel eyes and Holgar's lustful leer flashed across his mind. "They're looking for me," he said in resignation.

Bifur said something in his garbled language. Kili's back was too the other dwarf, but he knew Bofur had understood the hand signals that had no doubt accompanied the incomprehensible words.

"How do you know he would even help?" Bofur asked in an annoyed voice. Kili shot him a curious look. He had yet to hear the toymaker say anything in a less than cheerful voice. Bofur caught his look and a pinkish stain was visible on his cheeks.

Bifur growled something else, gesticulating wildly.

"I _know_ he has a beef against the White Wizard," Bofur argued back. "But if he and his brothers were that interested in going to Isengard, there's never been nothing stopping them from going."

Bifur grumbled and signed another comment.

"Yes, I know _we_ could've gone before too, but—"

Bifur cut him off with more emphatic growling and signing.

Bofur gave a sigh of defeat. "Fine. Though I don't see why you're going on about excuses I don't need."

"Care to share?" Kili asked as soon as he could get a word in edgewise.

"Bifur and me know a dwarf who can probably get us across the lake with no one the wiser," he answered, grin firmly back in place. "He lives in Dale with his brothers."

"How would he know how to get us across?" he asked doubtfully.

"Let's just say that old Nori knows his way around the seedier areas of Dale," Bofur replied with a wink.

"He's a criminal," Kili said, frowning in disapproval.

"He's a good sort," Bofur said, steel in his voice and eyes. He turned and started towards the city, not looking back as Bifur moved to follow him. "If he dabbles in thievery here and there, it's only to make sure he and his brothers survive. It's not easy being dwarrows in a city of men, even one as friendly to us as Dale."

Kili jogged a couple of steps to catch up to the cousins. "Why don't think live in Erebor then?"

"That is not my tale to tell," he said in finality. "But I am sure he will help, though it might cost us a bit."

Kili frowned as he imagined continuing for the rest of the journey with an empty coin bag. If that was what it took to get over this first obstacle in their journey, it would be worth it, but what if that left them stranded later on?

Still, there was no use arguing, not when they didn't have any alternative. Silently, he followed Bofur and Bifur into Dale, trusting them not to get him lost as they took side-street after side-street. Finally, they came to a shabby door.

It took a few moments for Bofur's knock to be answered, and when it was, the auburn-haired dwarf at the door was the exact opposite of what Kili had been expecting.

If he were older than Kili, then it wasn't by much, but there was a happy gleam in his eyes and a smile on his face that made him look impossibly younger.

"Ori!" Bofur greeted with a jovial smile.

"Hello, Bofur, Bifur," the other dwarf said happily before looking at Kili. "And who's your friend?"

Bofur opened his mouth but then closed it and glanced around. His caution was appreciated, but Kili really didn't think that the mangy-looking dog on the corner was going to tell anyone who he was. "Perhaps we'd best come inside?"

Ori blinked at them and then smiled, stepping aside to let them in. Kili nodded his thanks to him as he entered, grateful to be so easily accepted in.

"Ori!" a voice called from within the small dwelling. A fussy-looking greying dwarf soon appeared from an inner room and sighed in frustration as he noted his unexpected visitors. "What have I told you about answering the door?"

"Sorry," he replied, a bit insincerely since the smile had yet to leave his face, though it did noticeably shrink.

"Bofur, Bifur," the older dwarf greeted, not nearly as enthusiastically as his younger brother had. "What are you doing here? And who is with you?"

"We came hoping to get some help, Dori," Bofur began. "This is Kili—"

"Oh for Mahal's sake, Bofur!" Dori cried in alarm. "I don't know what kind of help you're looking for, but if you think we're going to help you keep a kidnapped prince hostage—"

"Nobody has kidnapped me!" Kili interrupted in exasperation. "And why does everyone seem to think I am a prince?" Bifur lay a calming hand on his shoulder, which was only partially effective.

"Wait, people are saying he's been kidnapped?" Bofur asked in a worried voice.

Dori shrugged. "Well, they're saying he's missing and that his family is anxious to get him back. There have been dwarrows all over Dale today looking for him."

Kili felt his blood run cold. Thank Mahal they had not entered through the main gates of Dale earlier. If they had, there was no doubt in his mind that he would have been found.

"I have to get away," he begged them all, feeling as if he were completely out of his depth and not knowing what to do anymore. His plan had seemed so simple when he had made it. Now, it seemed all but idiotic.

"We'll get you away, lad," Bofur promised before turning to Dori. "Where's Nori?"

"He should be back soon," the older dwarf answered, eying Kili as if he were dying to ask why he were so desperate. Kili was glad that he didn't. It was frustrating being unable to answer satisfactorily. "Tea?"

Bofur happily accepted for all of them and soon, they were all seated around the brothers' rickety kitchen table. Kili sipped on his tea anxious, half-terrified that dwarrows from Erebor were going to come bursting through the door at any moment and drag him back to his stepfamily.

The other four didn't seem too bothered. Ori and Bofur were chattering happily enough, with Dori chiming in now and then. Bifur had pulled out a pipe and was smoking as he listened to them in a peaceful silence.

Kili had no idea how they could possibly be so calm. Probably because the worst that would happen to them if they were brought back was that things would continue as they always had, he thought ruefully. None of them had to worry about being raped or turned into a political assassin.

"It'll be alright, lad," Dori said softly, reaching over to pat him on the back. "No need for tears."

Kili hadn't even realized tears were leaking from his eyes until then. "I can't go back," he whispered miserably. The worst part was that he wanted nothing more than to go back, to run to Fili and hide in his arms and not worry about being forced to either let someone hurt him or hurt someone else.

But it didn't matter what he wanted. It never really did.

"No one will look for you here," Bofur assured gently. "And when Nori gets here—"

"What will happen when Nori gets here?" a new voice asked, causing Kili to nearly fall out of his seat. He jerked his head to the kitchen doorway, only relaxing when the others didn't seem worried.

Bifur said something to the new dwarf that sounded rather rude to Kili, though he didn't bother to sign anything, choosing to put a protective hand on Kili's shoulder instead.

"Nori might get a good thumping for scaring poor Kili out of his mind," Bofur snapped in answer to the question. It took Kili a second to realize that this new dwarf must be Nori.

He was obviously the middle brother, being visibly older than Ori and younger than Dori. His hair was styled in the most bizarre hairstyle Kili had ever seen, piled high into three sharp peaks, but he thought it oddly worked with the sly smirk on the other's face.

"And what are you doing with the poor little prince?" Nori asked to Kili's endless frustration.

"_Not_ a prince," he muttered under his breath, knowing it was useless really by this point.

"Traveling to Isengard," Bofur said, a note of challenge behind his voice. All three brothers stilled, giving Bofur their full attention. "Caught your interest with that, ay?"

"You know damn good and well what the White Wizard did to Ori," Nori all but growled. Kili looked at youngest brother, who was watching everything carefully with a contented look on his face. "Why are you going to see him?"

Bofur rolled his eyes. "Why do you think? Bifur isn't going to fix his talking on his own."

"And he's been that way for over a hundred and fifty years and you never set out for Isengard before," Dori pointed out shrewdly. "What's changed?"

Kili was wondering the same thing.

"Bifur decided he wanted to give it a go," he answered, but Kili did not miss the way the toymaker's eyes flickered to him.

"You're just going because I'm going," Kili accused hotly. "I don't need a babysitter! I don't need someone following me around to take care of me! I can take care of myself!"

He knew it was an unfair accusation, and also a bit hypocritical considering he had been hoping earlier to go back to the mountain and have Fili and his parents take care of everything, but he was tired of decisions being made for him. The idea that Bofur and Bifur, despite their own interest in Isengard, were really only going out of some sense of duty to protect him, incensed him to no end.

"Calm down, lad," Bofur placated. Kili desperately wanted to hold onto his anger, but the curse forced him to be calm, which only made him want to be angry even _more_. "Now just because you may have put the idea in our heads doesn't mean we're coming along just for you. Truth is, we never really thought about visiting the wizard before, halfway afraid he'd be offended and just make things worse."

"I never thought of that," he admitted in dismay, letting whatever anger he had left slip away.

"You should have," Dori put in, looking at Kili seriously. "Now I won't lie and say Ori has it easy, but with Nori and I taking care of him, it could be much worse. Bifur has Bofur and Bombur to translate things for him and is no worse off than any other mute. But what about you, highness? I would think that whatever hardships of your curse could be mitigated by your station."

Kili considered the question for a moment, disregarding the title. What if Saruman was angry that Kili had wanted to give his "gift" back? What if he made it worse? But then, what could be worse than what he had? What did he really have to lose?

"I don't think things could be worse for me," Kili said softly. "My relationship with Fili only makes it more dangerous."

Nori gave him a considering look. "And what exactly is your so-called gift, then?" he asked. Bofur, Bifur, and Dori all gave him reproachful looks, but he only raised a braided brow at them. "What? If it's so dangerous, I think we deserve to know before we risk traveling with him."

"You're coming with us?" Bofur said in surprise, a pleased smile on his face.

Dori frowned as his younger brother, but Nori shrugged. "Depends on the answer to my question."

"I can't tell you," Kili sighed.

The thief narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "Can't? Or won't?"

"Can't!" he cried in frustration. "Don't you think this whole thing would be easier if I could just _tell_ someone the truth? Don't you think I would have just _told_ Fili why I had to leave and asked for help if I had been able to? My curse…"

He growled as his words caught in his throat as he tried to explain further. He was surprised the curse allowed him to say as much as it did.

"It's alright, Kili," Bofur comforted as Bifur wrapped an arm around his now shaking shoulders.

"No, it's not," he insisted weakly, too exhausted to put up much of a fight. "None of you should come with me. Nori's right. It's too dangerous. I could get you all killed."

"I never said that," the other dwarf protested, giving Kili a searching look. "If you're set on going to Isengard, we might as well come alone. If the wizard gets offended, it's always better to have someone else there to be his target."

"Well that makes us all feel so much better," Bofur quipped sarcastically.

Dori looked at Ori, who simply smiled at him, and then he sighed in resignation. "I guess nothing's going to change unless we do something."

Nori smirked at Kili. "Looks like you got yourself a whole company of dwarrows to accompany you whether you like it or not."

Tbc…


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Nori suggested they get some rest while they could as it would be easier to arrange unseen passage over the lake at night. This was easier said than done. Kili almost wished the older dwarf had ordered him to sleep. As it was, all he could do was toss and turn on his pallet on the floor.

He sighed as he listened to the other dwarrows' snores. Hearing the loud snores coming from the direction of the bedrooms, he was glad he had insisted that Bofur taken Nori's bed. Kili made a mental note to make sure to set up his bedroll nearest to Bifur when they made camp in the future. The other cursed dwarf had taken the couch and his snores were much less violent than the noise coming from the other rooms. Not that it mattered much right now. There were too many worries plaguing his mind right now to sleep.

He shouldn't let any of his newfound companions come with him. Never mind that they all had their own reasons for traveling to Isengard. None of them understood the danger Kili was to them. What if they ran into orcs on the road? One demand and Kili would do whatever asked of him. At best, he'd be a useless bystander in a fight, and at worst, he'd stab them in the back.

The more he thought about it, the more he knew he could not let them risk their lives for him. If they wanted to go to Isengard, it was better for them if they traveled separately from him.

His decision made, Kili stood as quietly as possible and grabbed his pack from the corner where he stored it. He turned to creep towards the small entrance hall, but froze in his tracks at the sight of Nori leaning against the doorjamb casually.

"Going somewhere?" the older dwarf asked softly.

"I…"

"Come with me," Nori said, keeping his voice pitched low so as not to wake Bifur. Kili had no choose but to follow him into the kitchen, where he gestured towards the table as he himself took a seat.

Seeing no point in arguing, Kili silently took his seat and looked at the other dwarf sullenly, somewhat bitter about being ordered around even if Nori didn't know the curse made him obey.

Nori looked at him long and hard for a few moments. "Do you have a death wish, your highness?" he asked, just as the silent appraisal was beginning to grate on Kili's nerves.

The use of the title pushed him over the edge.

"Stop calling me that!" he hissed furiously. "I'm not a prince and I never will be! I gave Fili up and I will not have you all mocking me with a title I will never have!"

"And because you gave up your prince charming, you've decided your life isn't worth living, is that it?" Nori calmly inquired.

"No!" Kili cried in protest, not bothering to keep his voice down.

"No, it isn't worth living, or no, you haven't decided that? And keep your voice down, will ya?"

"No, I haven't decided that!" he replied indignantly, but in a lower voice. "I'm not trying to throw my life away!"

"So you're just an idiot then?" Nori said. "Because only an idiot would think that going off on his own on such a long and dangerous journey when he has five perfectly willingly companions to make the way safer."

"You don't understand," he whispered helplessly.

"I understand that you've never been out on your own before," Nori said, stroking his beard in consideration. "And I understand that you've never faced an opponent who would not hesitate to kill you. And I understand that whatever your curse is, it makes you do things you don't want to do." Kili looked up sharply. "Surprised you, there, didn't I?"

"How?" he asked breathlessly.

"If it's making you keep it a secret when you clearly wanted to tell your prince, it wasn't too hard to guess that there some sort of involuntary compulsion going on," Nori explained shrewdly. "And I know a thing or two about involuntary compulsions."

Kili was puzzled by that for a moment before it dawned on him. "Ori?"

The other dwarf tilted his head in affirmation. "Not in the same way as you, I don't think. Not that I've quite figured out exactly what the wizard _gifted_ you with," he spat the word in disdain. "I don't reckon you can fill in the blanks now that I've guessed as much as I have?"

He opened his mouth to try, but once again the words would not come. He shook his head instead.

"Figured as much," Nori said with a shrug. "I'll figure it out in time."

Kili had no doubt that the cunning thief would. He really hoped it was sooner rather than later. "What's different about Ori's curse?"

Nori's face twisted in distaste. "My brother has full control over his own actions. It's his emotions that are compromised by his curse."

Kili gave him a questioning look.

"The esteemed wizard, in his infinite wisdom," he said sarcastically. "Decided to reward my mother for being one of the few of our people to be fruitful enough to have three dwarflings. When Ori was born, Saruman decided to give him the gift of _happiness_."

"I don't understand," Kili said in confusion. "How can happiness be bad?"

Nori laughed humorlessly. "That's what we thought at first, too. But imagine being happy no matter what happens to you. Imagine breaking your arm and smiling at it. Imagine being perfectly content wander aimlessly when you're lost. Imagine being unable to shed a tear when both of your parents are given back to the stone. Imagine being happy no matter how you're treated."

Kili felt sick as he considered that. He shuddered just thinking about being _happy_ as Holgar felt him up against his will. He was sure it would drive him mad.

"Now you start to get it," Nori said with a bitter sigh. "Dori and me tried to protect him as much as possible, but some of the worser dwarrows took advantage. If you're happy all the time, you don't have much reason to protest or fight back. We brought him here to get him away from those who knew. We couldn't risk being in the mountain anymore."

"That's horrible," Kili said sadly.

"Yeah, well, he's got me and Dori to protect him. That's more than you have," Nori pointed out.

He pursed his lips unhappily. "I'm trying to protect all of you. I've been protected and sheltered all my life. I'm not worth risking your life for, and you _are_ risking your life being near me."

Nori scoffed at that. "You're practically still a child, of course you've been protected." Kili bristled at that. "And from what I hear, without you, the royal line of Durin will end and the whole kingdom will be plunged into chaos. That sounds worth a little risk to me."

Kili rolled his eyes. "The royal line of Durin is pretty secure in Fili."

"The prince won't take a consort that isn't you," he countered.

"I told him not to wait for me," he argued right back, even as Fili's words filtered through his mind.

_'I will marry you or no one, Kili, son of Karn.'_

He didn't know if he wanted that to be true or not.

"And there's no guarantee that the royal line could be continued if he _did_ marry me," he reasoned further. "I haven't presented as a bearer yet."

"You're a fool if you think the prince will have anyone else," Nori said dismissively. "Even the men here in Dale know you two were made for each other."

"If you're trying to make me feel guilty for leaving him, don't bother," Kili said thickly, trying and failing to keep his eyes from tearing up. With as many tears he had shed lately, it was a wonder his tear ducts still functioned. "I hate myself for leaving and probably breaking his heart, but I had no choice!"

"Of course, you didn't, but you have a choice now. You can choose to go off on your own now, inevitably leading to capture or death and making your leaving completely pointless. _Or_ you can travel with us and have a much better chance of getting back to your prince whole and curse free. Which do you think Prince Fili would prefer?" he asked, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms in front of him.

Kili sighed in defeat. That was hardly a fair question. Fili would want him to pick the option that was safest for him. And he could not deny that he would never reach Isengard if he traveled alone. He was pretty pathetic in that respect.

"Fine, I won't go off on my own," he said with a huff. "But if I start doing something stupid, please tell me to stop."

Nori raised an eyebrow. "That all it'd take?"

Kili shrugged, knowing the curse wouldn't let him explain or clarify further.

"Well, then, let's rouse the other lads. We got a boat to catch," the thief remarked with a smirk.

The boat was not so much a boat as it was a raft. A rather ramshackle one at that, to Kili's eye at least. And the seedy-looking man who steered them across the lake didn't help instill any confidence about the situation. Still, all six dwarrows plus the man managed to fit on the craft without it sinking, so he really couldn't complain.

They boarded the raft well-away from the docks on the lake's rocky shore on the outskirts of Dale. It wasn't particularly ideal, as it involved getting their trousers wet and having to travel the cool night in wet clothing, but it was better than being caught by any dwarrows from Erebor.

They glided smoothly across the lake, huddled together for warmth. Kili eyed their dubious-looking captain in the moonlight, wondering how far they could trust him not to rat them out later. It didn't really matter, though, he decided. Once they got across Long Lake, they wouldn't be staying in one place very long and would no doubt have a headstart on anyone the man could tell.

He glanced at Ori, who was shivering next to him. The smaller dwarf shot him a smile, which he returned half-heartedly. He couldn't get what Nori told him about the other dwarf's curse out of his mind. He may have hated his own curse, but he wouldn't trade it for Ori's for anything in the world. The one thing he prided himself on was fighting the wretched magic in every way that he could. To not be able to _want_ to fight would drive him crazy.

The man pulled the raft up to one of the many docks in Esgaroth. Of course, the whole of Lake-town was basically one big dock. Kili wondered who thought it was a good idea to build an entire wooden town on the water. Surely the wood would eventually rot and the town collapse? Who would choose to live in such a town with the prosperous Dale right next door?

As they disembarked and Nori slipped the raft's owner a few coins, Kili took a closer look at the surrounding town and frowned. From the looks of the structures, he didn't think anyone _would_ choose to live there if they didn't _have_ to.

It was just another example of how sheltered he had grown up, he realized, berating himself at being so thoughtless. Not everyone had the luxury of living in as much security as he was accustomed to. Sometimes surviving meant doing things you didn't necessarily want to do.

He figured that was probably a good lesson to remember, considering there was a high likelihood of him never returning to his life in the Lonely Mountain.

Kili was startled out of his maudlin thoughts by a hand squeezing his shoulder in comfort. He looked up and gave Bofur a small smile in thanks.

"Come on, lad," he said gently, steering him towards in the direction the Ri brothers had already started moving. "Best get as far away from the town as possible before making camp."

"Are we making camp so soon?" he asked. He had assumed they would be traveling through the night.

Bofur nodded. "We'll want to make camp before dawn. Can't have our sleep cycles too wonky or we'll get used to sleeping during the day, when it's safer to travel."

"Right," he said, following the other dwarrows as they weaved through Esgaroth.

It didn't take them long to get out of the small town and onto the East Road. By that point, though, Kili was starting to regret not sleeping earlier. He was still shivering slightly, too, because of his still damp trouser legs. So he was very glad, then, when Bofur and Nori agreed that they should stop for the night.

They settled down not far from the road but hidden from sight by a copse of fir trees. Bifur volunteered for the first watch, with Dori and Bofur agreeing to take the subsequent watches that night. Kili couldn't even feel bad about not volunteering, as he was barely able to lay out his bedroll before he collapsed in exhaustion.

He jerked awake when the morning was still dim, confused as to what had caused him to wake up. The loud _clank_ of metal hitting metal, though, shook the last vestiges of sleep from his mind, and he shot up and grabbed his sword, a quick survey of the area telling him that his bow would do more harm than good with how close range the fighting was.

There were about five men attacking them from all sides. Bandits, his mind supplied as he parried a blow aimed at his head. They weren't outnumbered, but Ori obviously had no weapons training if Nori's protective stance in front of him was any clue, and Dori seemed to be almost overcome be the man currently facing him. Bofur and Bifur seemed to be holding their own against their opponents, at least.

The man in front of him smiled cruelly. "Give up, little dwarf," he sneered, sword still locked with Kili's.

Kili wanted to cry in frustration as his grip on his sword faltered as the curse took hold. The only reason the other's sword didn't cut him down was the sudden loss of tension in his muscles caused him to overbalance and fall backwards.

The bandit laughed loudly as he looked down at him, spawled across the ground in utter defeat. He kicked Kili's sword away and pointed his own blade at Kili's chest. "That was almost too easy. Not much of a swordsman, are you, little one?"

Kili glanced over at his companions, but they were too wrapped up in their own fights to notice he had fallen. His eyes flickered to the bandit above him. He wondered if begging for his life would do any good.

"I think ending your life is a mercy seeing how useless you are," the man sneered, raising his sword in preparation for the killing blow.

He closed his eyes, sending a silent apology to Fili for not being strong enough to make it back to him. He waited for the sharp pain of the blade entering his chest, but it never came.

After a moment, he dared to open his eyes. He stared in disbelief as a familiar blade was pulled out of the bandit's back and the man dropped to the ground.

"Fili."

Tbc…

Believe it or not, this was supposed to be a short fic. It has grown out of control, but I hope you all are enjoying the ride with me! Let me know what you think!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Kili stared in disbelief as furious blue eyes shifted from the fallen bandit to him. Some part of him had believed he would never see Fili again. Seeing him standing before him now, saving him from certain death, was a shock.

The blond prince extended a hand and helped him stand, pulling him behind his back as he turned to survey the rest of the fighting.

"Are you alright?" he asked urgently, twin swords at ready, unnecessarily from what Kili could see. Dwalin had apparently accompanied Fili, and with his help, the man attacking Dori was down and the two attacking Bofur and Bifur were quickly overcome by the time Nori had dispatched his own opponent.

"I'm fine," Kili murmured, looking down in shame at his uselessness. He spied his sword a few feet away and made to retrieve, but Fili had stored his own blades and was pulling him into a crushing embrace.

"That was too close," he whispered fiercely into Kili's ear. "Mahal, Kili, he almost…"

Kili put his own arms around the prince and tried to reassure him that he was alright. "He didn't," he said. "I'm not hurt."

Fili pulled back and moved his hands up to cup Kili's face, bringing their foreheads together and closing his eyes. Kili hated the pain he saw in those eyes once they were opened again. He had done that.

"Why?" Fili asked in a hurt tone. "Why did you think you had to leave? Why didn't you come to me for help?"

"I couldn't," he tried to explain, hating that he didn't have a better answer.

"You can _always_ come to me for help," he insisted.

"I couldn't this time!" Kili maintained. He didn't want this to devolve into an argument, but he could see the stubborn set to Fili's jaw that said he would not give this up without a satisfactory answer. And unfortunately, Kili couldn't give him one.

Before Fili could argue further, though, Dwalin interrupted them.

"Kili!" he called, stalking up to the two of them and glaring down at him. Kili didn't take his anger to heart, though. He knew that it only stemmed from the older dwarf's worry. Besides, he couldn't be angrier with him than Kili was with himself. "Have ya lost your mind? Were ya just gonna let him cut ya down? Tell me what happened! Did ya just forget all your training?"

"He told me to give up," Kili answered automatically, the curse letting the words fly from his mouth before he even knew what was happening. His eyes widened at his own words, a sliver of hope taking route as he realized that maybe his mother's previous order could be overcome with new orders that went against it.

Dwalin looked at him as if he had just confirmed that he really _had_ lost his mind. "You're not supposed to _listen_ to yer enemy!" he exclaimed incredulously. He looked as if he would have gone on but Nori interrupted him.

"So that's how it is, then?" he asked in a knowing tone as all Kili's companions gathered around them. "You have to do everything you're told to do."

Fili's hands tightened around his own, head whipping around to stare at Kili in horrified confusion. Kili could almost see the puzzle pieces coming together for him. Fili had been with him his entire life. He had seen every out of character move, had heard every odd thing spoken. He was sure that all those things were starting to add up now, and Fili's mind was balking at the very idea.

Kili wanted to nod or say anything in affirmation, but he couldn't. He wanted to scream in frustration, but given the look in Fili's eyes and the dawning apprehension in his other companions, he felt it best not to startle them anymore.

"Kili," Fili said seriously. "What is he talking about?"

"I can't tell you," he replied sullenly.

"I have an idea!" Bofur chimed in with a grin before Fili could argue with his answer. "Kili, tell the prince everything you want to about why you left the mountain."

He felt a great weight lifted off his shoulders as what Bofur had just done sunk in.

"I'm cursed," he said in a rush, halfway fearing that Bofur's order wouldn't override all the previous orders restricting what he said. He sagged in relief as the words came out unimpeded. "Saruman cursed me with obedience when I was a baby and my mother ordered me not to tell anyone. It wasn't so bad but then Father died and Olga and Holgar figured it out and… I realized I had to leave."

"What did they do?" Fili asked in a deadly voice, eyes narrowed.

"It doesn't matter," he said dismissively, definitely _not_ wanting to get into Olga's plans or Holgar's threats at the moment, especially not in front of everyone. "What matters is that they made me realize how dangerous I was to you. I'm a danger to everyone around me. And I think what just happened proves pretty clearly that I was right," he stated, trying to step away from Fili, but the prince's hold on his hands just tightened.

"What just happens only proves that you are putting _yourself_ in danger if you go off alone," Dori reasoned in calm voice, giving Kili a stern look. Ori, who was tucked under his oldest brother's arm, gave him a sympathetic look that looked at odds with the happy smile on his face.

Fili gave the older dwarf a sharp look. "No one said anything about him going off on his own."

Nori snorted. "We all know that's where the little prince's ranting is gonna go."

Kili's face burned with mortification at the presumption of being called a prince in front of Fili, but it didn't seem to faze the blond. He seemed far too concerned about what Nori was actually _saying_.

"Aye," Bofur agreed with a somber nod. "Wouldn't have let us come with him at all if Bombur hadn't made him. Probably been trying to figure out a way to give us the slip the whole way."

"Not the _whole_ way," Kili protested weakly. "And if I had gotten away from you, I probably just would've been caught by the guards in Dale and dragged back to Erebor."

"What guards?" Dwalin asked, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "The king didn't send any guards out for ya. Fili wouldn't let him."

"No, he just followed me himself," Kili said, shooting him a look of fond annoyance.

Fili just raised an eyebrow. "Well, you did say that you had a plan. You know none of your plans have every succeeded without my help," he teased before looking at Dwalin. "Who else would have the authority to send guards out?"

"Only Balin and me, but neither of us would do it against Thorin's orders," the tall dwarf answered. "It's possible they weren't guards at all."

"They were wearing mighty fine armor and carrying nice sharp weapons to be anything but," Nori pointed out.

"There are private guards that can be hired for a price," Bofur suggested.

"Olga and Holgar probably hired them then," Kili said, infinitely glad he hadn't been caught. If his stepfamily had spent money to get him back, they would surely would not have been forgiving to him when he was brought back.

"Well that doesn't matter now," Fili stated firmly. "No hired guard will dare go against my word, and I'm coming with you whether you like it or not."

Dwalin scowled at him. "The king told me to come with ya and to bring both of ya home, not to let the two of ya go traipsing about Mahal knows where."

"Isengard," Ori piped up helpfully, looking up at Dwalin with a smile on his face.

"What?" he snapped.

"We're going to Isengard," the small redhead explained.

Dwalin turned back to Fili and his scowl deepened. "That's leagues away! It'll take ya months to get there and back! The king wouldn't—"

"My father understands that I will _never_ abandon Kili, and if Kili is determined to go to Isengard, then so am I," Fili declared, eyes daring Dwalin to challenge him.

His guard narrowed his eyes. "Then maybe I should order Kili to get his ass back to the mountain and be done with it."

Kili cringed at that, stepping closer to Fili, who pulled him tight against his side and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"If you or anyone else dares to intentionally use Kili's curse against him, you'll have my sword to worry about," Fili warned darkly. "Any act against Kili is an act against me."

"I'm tryin' to keep the both of ya safe!" Dwalin growled in frustration.

"I'll _never_ be safe," Kili cut in, trying to get them all to understand. "Someone could tell me to go jump off a cliff in jest and I would do it. If someone ordered me to slit my own throat, _I would do it_. As long as this curse is upon me, there is no safe."

He hid his face in Fili's neck as the prince pulled him close. "There's no safe for any of you," he continued, voice only slightly muffled.

Bifur garbled something out. "Aye," Bofur agreed with him. "That just means that one of us will have to be with you at all times til the curse is lifted. That way, we can just order you _not_ to do something unpleasant."

"I don't think the prince is planning on letting him go anyway, so that shouldn't be a problem," Nori quipped.

"We're not going back to Erebor, Dwalin," Fili said firmly. "Not until we've seen Saruman and gotten this curse lifted. You can go back and tell my father if you wish, but we've got five other dwarrows on our side that will keep you from dragging us back against our wishes."

"Hear, hear!" Bofur cried as Bifur muttered his own affirmative.

Nori just smirked at the taller dwarf, as Dori shook his head, muttering how shameful it would be for the captain of the royal guard to manhandle royalty. Ori just smiled at the look of disgusted defeat that crossed Dwalin's face.

"Alright!" he growled. "No need to impede my honor," he said, looking pointedly at Dori. "And if you think I'm gonna go back and tell Thorin that I let you two travel halfway across the world by yourselves, ya must be daft."

"Well now that it's all settled that Kili is _not_ going to run off on his own and that the prince and his guard dog _will_ be joining us," Bofur said with a cheerful clap of his hands, ignoring the glare Dwalin sent his way. "Shall we be goin'?"

As the other dwarrows dispersed to collect their belongings, Fili pulled Kili aside.

"I've never made you do anything you didn't want to, have I?" he asked, uncertainty in his eyes.

Kili huffed a laugh. "No," he assured him. "Even when I sometimes wish you _would_ have. Then I wouldn't have had to lie to you about so many things."

"And what all did you lie to me about?"

"I didn't want to!" he insisted.

"I know, I know," Fili soothed, carding his fingers through hair. "I just want to know."

Kili sighed and leaned into the touch. "Well, most of the lies were about my curse and then my stepfamily. I had to lie about wanting to stay with Olga and Holgar," he admitted. "Though how you would believe I'd rather stay with them than you and Thorin and Dis is beyond me."

"To be fair, I did suspect that your stepfamily was making you say those things at first, but I couldn't think of any reason you would let them. You're not usually one to let anyone make you do anything," Fili said ruefully. "When I got your note, I knew I had missed something. That someone was hurting you and I hadn't protected you like I should have. I am so sorry for failing you, Kili."

He shook his head. "It's not your fault. It's not being cursed with obedience is a normal thing," he joked weakly. "You couldn't have known."

"Well, I know now, and I will protect you from it, I swear," he vowed, his hand stilling in Kili's hair as he looked down on him seriously.

"What if the wizard won't take the curse away?" Kili asked, not meeting Fili's eyes. "What if I'm like this forever? You can't be at my side forever."

"Someone can be," he insisted, grabbing Kili's chin and making him meet his gaze. "This doesn't have to change anything."

"It changes everything," Kili argued, wishing Fili were right. "I can't be your consort with this curse. It's too risky, for you and the entire kingdom."

"Then we'll run away together," he stated with finality. "I told you, I'm not giving you up for anything. I just spent less than two days wondering if I was ever going to see you again and that alone nearly drove me mad. I would be useless to anyone without you."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. Can you promise me, though, that you won't leave like that again?" Fili asked, a note of pleading in his voice. "No matter how much danger you think it might put me in. We can figure things out together."

"I wouldn't have left without you this time if I could have _told_ you what was going on," Kili confessed. "Leaving might have been the safest thing for everyone, but I'm too selfish to leave you."

"I'm glad," Fili replied, brushing a thumb across his cheek. They spent a moment just soaking in the other's presence before Fili pursed his lips. "Can you tell me why Olga and Holgar want you back so badly?" he asked.

"Pretty sure Bofur's order will let me tell you anything I want to, but are you sure you want to know?" Kili said uncertainly. "It doesn't matter now and most of it was just threats."

"What threats?"

He sighed. "Well, Olga planned to make me her house slave and not let me marry you unless your parents paid a ridiculous amount of money for me. She… threatened to order me to hurt myself, but I left before it got far enough for her to actually do it." Fili's jaw was already clenched painfully tight in anger. Kili wasn't sure if he should tell him about Holgar yet.

"And your stepbrother?" Fili prompted.

Kili bit his lip. He was tired of keeping things from Fili, but he wasn't sure if the other dwarf would take Holgar's actions very well. He didn't want his own fears to haunt Fili as well.

"If you don't tell me, I'm just going to assume the worst," Fili warned as Kili's silence stretched on.

"I'm not sure you could come up with something worse," he replied bitterly. "But they were only threats. Well, for the most part." The remembered feeling of Holgar's hands on his hips and his arousal digging into him from behind caused him to shudder. "He just… threatened to order me to his bed."

"I _will_ kill him," Fili hissed, fury burning in his eyes. "He'll _never_ touch you or anyone else again."

Kili smiled and brought a hand up to Fili's cheek. "I know he won't. And if we get this curse removed, you won't have to kill him because, if he comes near me, I will kill him myself."

Fili smirked before leaning forward and stealing a kiss. "Then let's go see a wizard."

"My thoughts exactly, lads," Dwalin agreed, coming up and thrusting Kili's packed belongings at him. "We have a long way to go. And the sooner we leave, the sooner we can get back so that the king can have my head for letting ya go in the first place."

Kili shared an amused look with Fili as Dwalin turned and walked away. They shrugged before following after him.

Dwalin was right. They had a long way to go.

Tbc…

Reviews always welcome!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

"Tell me again why we're making towards tha' blasted wood," Dwalin grumbled unhappily as they made camp when they got within easy distance of the towering treeline that marked the beginning of the great forest of Greenwood.

"Originally it was because of yours and Uncle Thorin's stupid prejudice against the elves," Kili replied testily, not appreciating the order even though he knew it was only a slip by the older dwarf. "Figured anyone following me would I assume I wouldn't go near the elves either."

"It's also the safest and shortest path to take," Nori chimed in from the other side of the fire, where he and Bofur were whispering together. Kili was almost positive that something was going on between the two of them. "Unless you'd rather we lead the princes along the edges of the Wilderlands."

"I'd rather them not get entangled with the likes of the wood-elves, but I guess tha's too much to ask," Dwalin remarked bitterly.

"I'd rather you mind your tongue and not inadvertently order Kili around," Fili said with a hard edge to his voice. "And if _that_ is too much to ask, then I will mind it for you."

"Easy, there, my prince," Dwalin warned. "I know yer protecting yer One, but don't be pickin' fights ya know ya can't win." Turning to Kili, though, he nodded his head in acknowledgement. "I apologize, highness. I will be more mindful."

Kili huffed in annoyance. "Master Dwalin, since when do you or anyone else call me 'highness'?"

"That's _Mister_ Dwalin to ya now," he answered with a smirk. "And since the crown prince came of age and made it crystal clear to everyone that you two were a package deal. Sorry, lad, but he got a title so you got a title."

"Nothing is official yet though!" he sputtered, flustered at the idea that everyone knew just how much Fili loved him. Wanted him.

He couldn't deny that Fili's devotion caused desire to curl in his belly.

Fili snuck an arm around his waist and leaned closer to him. "If you keep protesting like that, I'll think you don't want me," he whispered teasingly, his hot breath on his ear causing Kili to shudder. "Wouldn't want me to die of a broken heart, would you?"

He saw Dwalin chuckle at the two of them before turning to strike up conversation with Ori, who was happy enough to chat with the older guardsman, though Kili wasn't sure how much of it was genuine and how much was the small dwarf's own curse.

He bit back a moan as Fili nipped lightly at his earlobe before turning his head to glare at the golden prince.

"You spurn my attempts to deepen our relationship in the mountain but then tease me like this on the road? You are cruel, my prince," he accused.

"We did not have six nosy dwarrows as chaperones in the mountain," Fili pointed out. "I couldn't be sure I wouldn't lose control and ravish you."

"I wouldn't have minded," Kili murmured, leaning into his side and nuzzling against his neck, sprinkling little teasing kisses of his own where skin met beard.

"That was part of the problem," he quipped back breathlessly.

A throat was cleared rather loudly in front of them as two bowls were placed at their eye-level. They both looked up to see Dori observing them with a disapproving frown.

"I beg your pardon, your highnesses, but I will _not_ allow any sort of fornication to transpire under my watch, _especially_ with young Kili not even reaching his majority yet!" he said, sounding absolutely scandalized. Kili flushed scarlet and hid his face in Fili's neck.

"You have nothing to fear, Mister Dori," Fili assured, rubbing Kili's back in a soothing manner. "I have nothing but honorable intentions towards Kili."

"Hmph. You shouldn't even be allowed to touch the way the two of you do," Dori fussed, handing bowls of stew to Dwalin and Ori as well. "Proper courtships between dwarrows should begin when the two have _both_ reached their majority and there should always be at least a foot of space between them for _at least_ six months after a courtship is begun."

Kili made a noise of distress and clung more tightly to Fili.

"Shh, âzyungâl, Mister Dori isn't going to force such archaic rules on us," the prince murmured.

Dori pursed his lips in aggravation. "Don't suppose I could even if I wanted to. Besides, I guess exceptions ought to be made… Master Dwalin, as captain of the royal guard and closest in kin to Prince Fili among us, I expect you to ensure that his highness treats Prince Kili with honor and respect."

"Because they listen to him so well," Bofur remarked with a teasing grin.

Dwalin rolled his eyes as Nori, Bifur, and Bofur laughed. Ori shot Kili a small, sympathetic smile as Dori continued to mutter and shake his head.

"Rest assured, Mister Dori, there will be no damage to Kili's honor from me," Fili vowed.

"I, however, do not promise Fili's honor will remain intact," Kili said sullenly, fed up with the talk of his honor, as if he were some prized dwarrowdam who couldn't defend herself. The others roared with laughter, except for Dori, who looked scandalized once more. As Fili laughed with them, Kili pushed away from him and crossed his arms with a huff.

"I do hope someone intends to rescue me in that case," the prince chuckled. "Because I am afraid I would do anything for that face."

"Oh and what a lovely face it is," Bofur said sarcastically, for Kili's face was currently set in a deep scowl and glaring at all of them.

Tired of the teasing, he placed his now empty bowl down and stalked off to his bedroll. He had half a mind to move it away from Fili's, but he knew he'd only regret it later.

It wasn't long, though, before Fili curled behind him. He remained stiff in the prince's arms for a few moments before melting back against him, unable to hold onto any anger towards Fili.

"I'm sorry, âzyungâl," Fili whispered to him, brushing a kiss to his temple. "Our teasing went too far."

Kili sighed. "No, I'm just being too sensitive."

"No, we were being unfair. I do believe you have scared poor Dori for life, though," Fili chuckled. "He's not going to let us have a moment alone now."

Kili groaned in frustration before turning and burrowing deeper into Fili's arms. "Well, he's not going to keep me from touching you however I like," he warned in a low voice.

"I dare him to try," Fili whispered back with a soft laugh. "Though he is right. If I'm going to take such liberties as this," he emphasized what he meant by a soft kiss to Kili's lips and a tightening of his arms around him, "then I really should at least have some betrothal braids in your hair."

"I can't let you do that," he said with a soft sigh of regret. Betrothal braids would tell the world that he belonged to Fili and he wanted nothing more. "I may be irreverent in a lot of things, but I do respect my uncle and king, and I know you respect him as well. We'd be going against his wishes by pledging ourselves to each other, officially, without me presenting."

"I am marrying you, bearer or not," Fili argued, resting their foreheads together.

"Then let us not offend his authority unless we have to," he said lightly. "If I do present, I promise you can put whatever braids you like in my hair. It's not like my lack of braids matters on the road. But I have to admit that I would rather not present out here. I hear it is… painful, without the medicines the healers in Erebor could supply."

He hadn't thought of that when he left the Lonely Mountain. He hadn't thought of a lot of things when he left the mountain. He wouldn't have gotten further than Dale if it hadn't been for Bombur forcing him to wait for Bofur and Bifur. His planning skills definitely needed work.

"You needn't worry, âzyungâl," Fili assured, rearranging them slightly so that Kili was lying against his chest. The prince's fingers were carding gently in his hair and lulling him closer to sleep. "I have the medicines you'll need in my pack. One of us can think ahead, at least."

He huffed a laugh as he curled closer to his prince's warmth. "That's my Fili. Always taking care of me."

"Always will," he promised.

Kili smiled as he slipped into sleep.

#

It took Kili only three days of travelling in the great wood to decide that he did not care for it one bit. Ironically for someone who grew up inside of a mountain, he found the forest to be far too constrictive for his tastes. It felt as if the trees were pressing in on them from all sides. Though they were tall and, objectively, beautiful with their rich, green foliage, their large branches grew thick together, hanging low and blocking out the sun in all but a few places.

Kili much preferred the cavernous great halls of Erebor.

"How do the elves stand it?" he asked quietly as they carefully stuck to the road.

"Please don't ask me how the brains of those pointed eared bastards work," Dwalin replied gruffly.

"Dwalin," Fili growled warningly, glaring at his former weapons master.

Kili shook his head and lay a calming hand on Fili's forearm. "It's alright. The curse doesn't see anything with the word 'please' in it as an order," he explained. "Guess saying 'please' makes it a request."

"Well that's nice to know!" Ori said cheerily from the other side of Dwalin. The other cursed dwarf had taken to walking next to the guardsman whenever he could. Kili suspected it was to escape his brothers' coddling.

"Why does Uncle Thorin hate them so much?" Kili asked, looking to Fili for an answer.

The blond just shrugged. "I don't know. He never explained it to me. The few times the elves of Greedwood visited Erebor, they seemed cordial enough to me."

"They would," Dwalin sneered. "Think they're above us, they do. Too high and mighty to give us direct insult. The elven king can't stand the respect Erebor gets from the rest of the world. If ya ask me, I'd say he's got a massive inferiority complex, probably stemming from the equipment he's got in his—"

"It is a good thing nobody did ask you, then, dwarf," a cool voice interrupted as a redheaded she-elf stepped out of the trees. Her weapons were not drawn, but as an archer himself, Kili could tell that her bow was in easy reach. "Otherwise you may have insulted your host for the night."

The entire company tensed at her appearance. Kili's eyes scanned the trees around them and frowned as he spotted more archers standing at ready, bows loose at their sides. He caught Fili's eye and inclined his heads slightly towards the trees. Following Kili's gaze, Fili nodded once to him in acknowledgement of the threat. Before either of them could speak, though, Bofur stepped forward.

"That is mighty kind of the great king of the Woodland Realm," he said with his usual cheer. "But humble folk like ourselves don't warrant the hospitality of kings. We're just simple laborers headed to join our kin in the Blue Mountains."

"Do you think we do not recognize the Crowned Prince of Erebor when we see him, dwarf?" she asked with a raised brow. "The question is, why do you wish to conceal him? Is this a royal kidnapping? The king could not allow that. We are allies with Erebor, after all."

"I assure you, my lady," Fili said, pushing Kili behind him and stepping forward. "I am here of my own free will."

"With such heavy enchantments carried by your company, you cannot expect us to take you at your word. It would be irresponsible of us," she said with a slight incline of her head, a mocking sign of respect to Kili's eye. "I am ordered to bring you before the king, willingly or unwillingly. It will be much better for you if it is willingly. We have you outnumbered, I am afraid."

"If ya think we will go willingly, then—"

"Dwalin," Fili barked warningly before turning to the she-elf. "We will, of course, accept your king's hospitality."

With not much of a choice, they followed the elves deeper into the forest. Fili kept Kili close, but behind him. Kili wanted to roll his eyes at the gesture, knowing he could protect himself if it came to that, but he refrained only because he knew Fili still hadn't quite gotten over him nearly dying against that bandit.

Though, to be fair, that was _weeks_ ago.

The redheaded she-elf was joined by a blond elf as soon as they were across a ridiculously thin bridge and ushered into a great hall built into the trees.

"Tauriel," he greeted, unnaturally blue eyes glancing over them. Kili realized suddenly why the blond elf looked so familiar. He had come with his father to Erebor on an occasion or two. Kili remembered thinking that the elf prince's blond hair and blue eyes were not nearly as attractive as Fili's.

He led them up a set of winding stairs that led to a smaller hall where the elven king was waiting for them. Kili's eyes shifted from the imposing king to the many guards standing around the hall. They made him nervous.

"Prince Fili," Thranduil greeted cordially. "I had hoped that our next meeting would be under less… suspicious circumstances."

"King Thranduil," Fili answered diplomatically. "I am afraid there has been a great misunderstanding."

"And I am afraid that I cannot trust your word. There is great magic clinging to all of you. I cannot identify the source, but until I can, I cannot rule out malicious intent towards the heir of Erebor," he said with a false look of regret. "Perhaps your companions, though, could share more light on the situation. Tell me, what magic is over you."

Kili bit down hard on his lip to keep silent. Luckily, Fili forestalled any curse symptoms. "Tell him only what you wish," he told them all, seemingly magnanimously.

"The magic is coming from my cousin," Bofur said, stepping forward and pulling Bifur with him. "A wizard cursed him from a young age. He can't speak right." To illustrate, Bifur growled something out at the king. "We're on a quest to find a way to reverse it."

The elven king narrowed his eye at the two before scoffing. "A language curse would not generate this much magic. Since no one wants to speak the truth, the only course of action is to remove the prince from your presence in hopes that whatever enchantment that may be on him wear off."

The guards that had made Kili so nervous before stepped forward, grabbing their companions and pulling them away. Before they reached Kili, Fili pulled him to him and held onto him tightly.

"You will not separate me from my betrothed," Fili growled even as four guards wrenched them apart. "Kili!"

"Fili!" he cried out as he was pulled away, struggling to get back to the prince.

"Your enchantment goes deeper than I thought, Prince Fili. This dwarf cannot be your betrothed. He wears no beads or braids that I recall our customary to your people," Thranduil reasoned with a pitying look.

"Stop struggling, dwarf," one of the guards dragging him away snapped, causing the fight to leave Kili. He looked back at Fili to see the golden prince struggling enough against the hands that held him back for both of them, but Kili knew that it wouldn't be enough.

The guards drug him down several stairs into a dark dungeon and threw him into a cell. He watched with resentful eyes as the she-elf called Tauriel and the elven prince surveyed their new prisoners' jailing. They were just close enough to Kili for him to catch their conversation.

"The king plays a dangerous game," Tauriel remarked in a low voice. "Locking up a prince like a common criminal will be seen as an insult by the dwarf king."

"Which is why the prince will be housed in the guest wings of the palace and guarded well, for his protection, of course," the blond prince replied.

She arched a brow at him. "It is common enough knowledge that the young one there," she inclined her head towards Kili's cell, "is the prince's chosen. He is regarded as royalty by the dwarves of Erebor and even the men of Dale. How do we explain that?"

"We do not need to," he replied haughtily. "Rumor does not royalty make. We are only going off of Erebor's own customs. Were they betrothed, there would be outward signs."

Kili was kicking himself for not letting Fili braid his hair when he wanted to. However, he couldn't waste time berating himself. Maybe if he could convince this elven prince that there was no enchantment on Fili, he would let them go.

"I am too young," he stated, injecting himself into their conversation. "We are promised to each other, though. There is no enchantment on Fili."

"Your words on meaningless," the elven prince said in disdain. "You will be silent for as long as you are in that cell."

Kili's jaw clamped shut at the order and he glared at the two's backs as they left. He sank down the wall sullenly. He understood now why Uncle Thorin and Aunt Dis always spoke contemptuously of the wood-elves.

The other dwarrows in his company were making as much noise as they could, with the intent to annoy their jailers if that was all they could do. He would have joined them, but the stupid curse kept him silent. With nothing to do but stare at his cell walls, he let himself doze off, trusting that Fili was doing his utmost best to get him out.

He awoke to pain like no other coming from his abdomen. With a silent scream, he lurched forward, curling in on himself as his insides throbbed with agony.

No, he thought, the curse making him clench his jaw shut and bite through his lip to keep in his cries of pain. This couldn't be happening _now_.

Tbc…


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

He wasn't sure how long he spent in agony. Each minute that passed was torture. It felt as if knives were being stabbed into his stomach and _twisted_. And if the pain wasn't bad enough, keeping silent was nearly impossible. The inside of his lower lip was bleeding freely from his biting it, and he was forced to hold his breath to keep the pained cried from escaping. At some point, his body couldn't handle it and he passed out.

He faded in and out of consciousness, only vaguely noting the passage of time by the number of uneaten meals that had been pushed through his door.

Surely one of the elves who brought him food would have noticed his pain? Why hadn't they helped him? Or at least dealt him a swift death rather than this drawn out torture?

"Kili!" he heard voices calling for him from the other cells. "Kili, are you alright?"

He couldn't answer them. Probably couldn't have even without the elven prince's order. He trembled as pain racked his body. Mahal, but it hurt.

"Master Dwarf?" a clear, high voice called. "Are you ill?"

He lifted his head to see the redhead from before glancing through the bars of his cell. He must have looked truly awful because her eyes widened. "Get a healer!" she barked to one of the guards before opening Kili's cell.

"Can you stand?" she asked, cool hands touching his sweat covered brow.

He wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the question. He could barely breathe, let alone stand. The curse, though, kept him from making a sound. He simply shook his head instead.

Arms scooped him up without another word. Her steps were smooth and steady as she carried him, but the movement was still enough to cause the knives stabbing his stomach to burn white hot.

The moment she stepped out of the cell, the curse released him from his silence and he couldn't stop the scream that left his lips.

The elf's steps faltered slightly in surprise but kept moving, pace faster now as the pained gasps and whimpers flowed freely from Kili's mouth.

He could hear his companions shouting, but he couldn't make out the words. He let out another howl of agony as the elf began her hurried ascent up the dungeons stairs. Black spots danced in front of his eyes, and he squeezed them shut, afraid he would be sick as the walls blurred by him. He didn't want the pain of retching on top of anything else.

Finally, he was brought into a bright room that burned his eyes even with them firmly shut, and laid on a soft bed.

"What ails him?" an unfamiliar smooth voice asked.

"I do not know," was the redheaded elf's answer. "He seems to be clutching his stomach though."

Kili hadn't even realized he had curled in on himself automatically, arms wrapped around his belly, but he screamed as the healer uncurled him and pressed lightly on his abdomen. He tried to curl up again, but firm hands held him on his back as more hands poked and prodded his stomach, drawing scream after scream from him until he was sobbing in pain.

"Please…" he begged, not even knowing what he was asking for. He was delirious with pain. He didn't know what was wrong but he just wanted it to end. Mahal, just let it end!

"Kili!" a voice he'd know anywhere cried. Fili was suddenly at his side, shoving the healer's hands away and pulling Kili into his arms.

Kili clutched desperately at Fili's tunic, hiding his face in the other's neck and trying to get his sobs under control. "Hurts, Fee," he said in a broken whisper.

"I know, âzyungâl, I know," he soothed, wrapping strong arms around Kili's trembling form before turning angrily to the elves. "How long has he been like this?"

"We only realized moments ago," the redhead answered in a condescending tone. "Do you think we would leave him untreated and in pain?"

"Since we got here," Kili ground out, gazing up at Fili with pitiful eyes. "Make it stop?"

Fili sucked in a sharp breath. "He's been in pain for nearly two days!" he seethed, glaring murderously at the elves, who looked taken aback by Kili's admission. "How could you not notice?"

"He made no sounds of distress," the she-elf argued.

"Told me to be silent," Kili gasped out.

"Since when do dwarves listen," the healer scoffed.

"Since they have no choice!" Fili snapped angrily. His tone was in contrast to the soothing hands in Kili's hair and on his back. They did not help, though, and he cried out sharply as another burst of pain hit him.

"Dying, Fee," he mumbled sadly, tears soaking the prince's tunic. "Love you so much."

"You're not dying, âzyungâl," Fili comforted, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "You're going to be just fine. It's almost over. Just a few more hours."

"What is happening to him?" the redheaded she-elf asked, in the softest tone Kili had yet to hear her use.

"He is presenting as one who can bear children," Fili answered in a distracted voice. "Males who can bear always develop the additional organs needed before they reach the age of dwarven majority. It is… extremely painful without proper medicines."

"Which medicines does the young prince require?" the healer asked.

Kili could almost feel the anger pouring off Fili as he snapped, "Oh _now_ he is a prince. Before, he was a criminal you could throw in your dungeon."

"Your anger does him no good now," the redhead pointed out. "We are trying to help."

"It's no use, now," Fili growled. "The medicines would give him no relief now that the process is so far along."

"Then at least allow us to give him something to put him to sleep," the other elf suggested, moving forward with a vial of sweet smelling syrup.

Just the smell of it turned Kili's stomach, but he was in so much pain, he did not protest as Fili helped him sit up and pressed the vial to his lips. Looking up into Fili's pleading blue eyes, he allowed the syrupy concoction to slide down his throat.

"Just sleep," Fili whispered, kissing his brow and allowing him to rest against him. Kili let the combination of the sleeping syrup and the command to drag him into an uneasy sleep, hoping the pain would be over by the time he woke up.

He woke up sore, every muscle in his body aching with overuse. Thankfully, though, the shooting pains in his abdomen were gone. He groaned as he turned to burrow deeper into his pillow, only for the pillow to shift under him. He frowned in confusion and cracked open his eyes. Fili's worried face greeted him.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Like I just went about ten rounds in the practice ring with Dwalin," Kili rasped in answer. "I'm sore and I'm tired, but there's no more pain."

"I could kill those pointy-eared bastards for leaving you in pain for so long," Fili seethed. "Had they noticed sooner, you wouldn't have had to suffer."

Kili hummed in agreement but didn't really want to think about the elves at the moment. Besides, they hadn't caused his pain. Nature had caused that. He smiled up at Fili as he realized what that meant.

"We can be married now," he said in contentment. All the pain in the world would be worth being able to have Fili at his side for always.

"We were always going to be married," Fili replied with a smirk. "Only now you won't fight me so much when I put my braids in your hair."

Kili chuckled weakly and reached up to touch Fili's own golden hair. "Only if I can put mine in yours."

"As soon as you're strong enough to sit up," Fili promised before giving him a contrite look. "I am sorry I ordered you to sleep earlier. I misspoke."

He shook his head. "I'm glad you did," he admitted. "Sleep came faster because of it. It was a relief from the pain."

"Still, I will watch my words better in the future," he vowed.

"I trust you," Kili mumbled lethargically into Fili's chest. "'Sides, don't need a curse to listen to what you say."

"If that isn't a declaration of love, I do not know what is," Fili said with a laugh.

"So when do they throw me back in a cell for bewitching you?" he asked in resignation.

The prince's arms tightened around him. "Never," he growled. "I won't let them separate us again."

"Do they still believe we're using magic to kidnap you?"

Fili sighed. "I don't think they ever really believed that," he said in disgust. "They're just using it as an excuse to lord over us. Blasted elves."

"I see they're doing nothing to curry favor with the future King Under the Mountain," he mumbled in amusement. "Doesn't seem very wise to me."

"They should know better than to treat the future Consort Under the Mountain with such disrespect," Fili replied, brushing a kiss against Kili's lips.

When he tried to pull away, Kili was having none of it. Ignoring his protesting muscles, he surged forward and deepened the kiss, pressing his body firmly against Fili's.

"Kili," he groaned as they pulled back for breath before capturing his lips once more. Kili moaned into the kiss as Fili pulled him closer, causing his groin to press against the prince's thigh. He could feel Fili's own arousal pressing into his hip as Fili moved his lips down Kili's neck.

"More," he whispered, bucking into Fili's thigh and throwing his head back to bare more of his neck. He gasped as Fili carefully flipped them over and pressed Kili gently back into the mattress. Fili looked down at him with lust-darkened eyes, taking in all that Kili was offering him before bringing their lips together in another searing kiss.

Before things could go any further, a loud knock came from the door and Fili barely had time to roll off of Kili before the door was thrown open and an old man dressed in shabby grey robes walked in, leaning on a tall wooden staff.

"I hope I am not interrupting anything," he remarked knowingly, raising his eyebrows innocently as he looked at the two flushed dwarven princes.

Kili glared at the intruder as he tried to sit up, hissing as his sore muscles screamed at him, apparently not happy about his previous movements. "You don't look like an elf to me," he grumbled sullenly as Fili, noticing his discomfort, helped him to lean upright against him.

"I see your presenting did not damage your eyesight, my lord," came the smiling reply. "That's good. You'll likely need it on our journey."

"Our journey?" Fili said with narrow eyes. "You're awfully presumptuous for someone who has yet to introduce himself."

"A little more gratitude from you, your highness, might be in order," the old man said with a disapproving look. "Not only did I just stop you from dishonoring your future consort," Fili looked shamefaced at that, "but I also just secured the release of you and your companions. Surely I have earned more than scorn for that."

"Fili could never _dishonor_ me by loving me," Kili snapped, not liking the way the man was manipulating his prince. "He is my One as I am his and anything shared between us is blessed by Mahal himself. And if you think we should be grateful to be transferred from one jailer to another, you've got another thing coming."

The old man, instead of being angered as Kili thought, chortled at his outburst. "I see Saruman's magic has not dampened your spirit, Kili, son of Karn. There is fire in you, that much is sure."

"Who are you and what do you want?" Fili demanded, arms tightening around Kili at the mention of Saruman.

"How rude of me," he said cheerily. "I am Gandalf the Grey. And I want nothing more than to help you see your original quest through."

If he thought his statement would calm the dwarrows in front of him, he was sorely mistaken.

"A wizard," Fili hissed. "Has not your kind done enough harm to me and mine?"

"I'd ask you not to cast Saruman and I in the same light, thank you very much," Gandalf requested calmly. "Saruman is very… stubborn… in his view of the world. Thinks every little thought in his head is the utmost wisdom and nothing he does can go wrong. I myself am much more cautious in my use of magic."

"Can you help me?" Kili asked, possibilities flying through his mind. If he could have the spell lifted now, he and Fili could go back to Erebor and finally be together in peace. "Can you lift my curse?"

Gandalf gave him a mournful look. "I am sorry, my dear prince. There are only two ways to defeat such strong spells. They can either be broken or lifted by their original casters."

Kili's hopes of making a swift return home crumbled.

"Broken?" Fili said in confusion. "How?"

Kili's gaze snapped to the wizard, never before thinking that there might be a way to overcome the curse without Saruman's help.

"Well, it depends on the spell," Gandalf replied easily. "Every spell is unique. I've seen the one on Kili before, of course. It's a favorite of Saruman's. Never seen in broken though."

He sagged against Fili in defeat. His only hope, it seemed, was in Isengard, which was still miles and miles away.

"But you'll help us convince the White Wizard to lift the curse?" Fili asked urgently.

Gandalf nodded. "I will do what I can."

"Why?" Kili asked suddenly. "What's in it for you?"

"Saruman's casual use of such great magic upsets the natural balance of things," the wizard replied with a frown. "There are those of us who would see things put to right. Does that satisfy you? Will you allow me to join you on your journey?"

Kili shared a look with Fili, who didn't necessarily look happy with this turn of events but had a grim acceptance in his eyes. Kili knew the feeling. He didn't feel like trusting a wizard either with Saruman at the root of all his suffering.

They both knew, however, that having Gandalf with them increased their chances at having the curse lifted.

"We will."

Tbc…


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Though Kili was very eager to be up and on their way, Fili insisted they wait a couple more days so that he could fully recover, loathe as the prince was to stay with the wood-elves a second longer. Their other companions were removed from the dungeons and placed into rooms of their own. No matter how lavish the rooms, though, the dwarrows were not inclined to be gracious guests.

Though Fili had been afforded his own room, he spent the nights, and most of the days, in Kili's bed, holding him close. Not that anything more than a few languid kissed had happened, much to Kili's displeasure. The prince had obviously taken the wizard's, and later Dori's, admonishments about _dishonor_ to heart.

"We can't," Fili protested when Kili tried to take things further, straddling Fili's lap and pulling them as close as possible.

"Why not? Why should we let some stupid, arbitrary rules dictate our relationship?" He leaned in to whisper wickedly in Fili's ear. "If I want you buried deep within me, claiming me as your own, why should anyone stand in our way?"

Fili groaned and clutched desperately at Kili's hips. "You're going to kill me, but we _really _can't. You could get pregnant."

"Not likely," Kili scoffed, grinding down into Fili's lap with a moan. "I'll only be fertile once, maybe twice a year. Chances are low."

"But still there," the prince pointed out, gently pushing Kili off of him and back onto the bed. "And even if I were inclined to break all of our traditions and take you as my own, I would not risk you being in such a delicate condition on such a dangerous journey."

"There are other things we could do," he suggested, pulling Fili down to him by his mustaches braids and giving him a lingering kiss.

Fili chuckled against his lips. "You are much more confident in my ability to stop after just a taste than I am." He pulled away from Kili with obvious reluctance.

Kili pouted but let him go, deciding not to push any further. "Well, since you aren't going to touch me inappropriately," he said, causing Fili to roll his eyes and shake his head. "Will you braid my hair?"

Fili gave him a soft smile. "I thought you'd never ask."

Kili allowed the prince to help him to sit up despite not needing the aid. Fili leaned off the side of the bed, twisting to reach his pack and pull a pouch and a comb from it. Kili tried to get a peek at the pouch, but Fili slid more comfortably behind him and gently turned his head to face forward.

"You can see when I'm done," Fili teased, tugging his hair playfully.

Before Kili could protest the harsh treatment, Fili was combing through his hair, teasing any snares and knots out gently. Kili sighed at his ministrations, not having had anyone show such care to his hair in a long time.

"You're purring like a feline," Fili commented. Kili couldn't see his face, but he knew the prince was smirking. "If you enjoy your hair being petted so much, why have you always let it fly free? Your mother gave up braiding it by the time you were twenty because you'd always let out the braids at the first chance you got."

"I never let myself enjoy it before," he admitted with a rueful twist of his lips. "Mama always ordered me to sit still and let her braid. So of course, in childish rebellion, I ripped the braids out whenever I could. Then she's order me to sit still again and it turned into an endless cycle."

To be fair to his mother, Kili had never been a dwarfling that liked to sit still for any period of time. Add to that the vexation he felt in being _made_ to sit still, and he became a right little hellion unless ordered.

"Didn't she know how you resented the curse?" Fili asked, separating clump of hair on the top left side of his forehead and beginning to braid it.

"I never told her how much it hurts to try and resist it," he replied, relaxing against his betrothed as Fili's nimble fingers wove what was obviously a bead into the top of the braid he was working on before quickly finishing it off and securing it. "I tried not to let her see any bad effects of the curse because she'd blame herself for letting it happen."

Fili's fingers paused slightly before beginning a braid identical to the first on the top right side of his head. "It pains you?"

He said nothing as Fili finished the second braid before gathering the top portion of his hair and pulling it back and securing it with a clasp, twin beaded braids displayed prominently on top of his head. Fili turned him so that they were facing and pressed their foreheads together.

"Âzyungâl, please, let me know the burdens it puts on you," Fili pleaded, unfairly in Kili's mind, because how could he possibly resist those sapphire eyes?

"It starts as nausea," he confessed, looking down and twisting his hands in the blankets. "Then I get dizzy. The room spins and it feels as if I might pass out but it _never lets me_. Then the pain starts."

"Kili…"

"It feels like a hundred blacksmiths are hammering away in my head as I'm being stabbed by thousands of burning blades," Kili went on, blinking back tears. "I'm never strong enough to get past that. I usually don't even make it past the nausea before my body gives in," he admitted bitterly.

"I'm glad," Fili whispered fervently, pulling him in and tucking his head under his chin. "I don't want you in pain, ever."

"What if whatever's past the pain is what breaks the curse?" Kili asked.

"The wizard said he'd seen your curse before and it had never been broken," the prince stated. "You shouldn't foolishly put yourself in harm's way for something that may be impossible. Now sit up please, your braids are not done."

Kili knew for a fact that the two braids already in his hair were all there was to betrothal braids, but he sat up anyway, rolling his eyes as Fili carefully sectioned off some hair near his left ear and began a thin braid. Leave it to Fili to want everyone who came upon them to recognize Kili as part of Erebor's nobility. He frowned, though, as Fili slipped a bead on the end and tied it off before beginning an identical braid on his right side.

"Two braids is only for royalty," he pointed out, grabbing the completed braid and inspecting the bead on the end. "And I _know_ I am not to wear beads with the insignia of Durin until I am officially a member of the House of Durin."

"You _are_ royalty. And you _are_ of the House of Durin because you are my One," Fili replied patiently, completing the final braid and leaning back with a satisfied smile to survey his work. "You are a prince of Erebor. Never forget that."

Kili toyed with the braid he still grasped before looking at Fili with a shy smile. "You already had the beads made?"

"Made them myself as soon as I came of age. I knew exactly who they were going to, as well," the prince said seriously, bringing a hand up to cup Kili's cheek. "There was never any doubt."

"I don't have any for you," he replied regretfully. "But come here. I'm going to put my braids in your hair to let everyone know you are taken."

Fili smiled before letting Kili arrange him how he wanted, and soon, Fili had identical twin betrothal braids on the top of his head.

"There," Kili said in satisfaction. "Now you're mine."

"I've always been yours," Fili assured him before giving him a tender kiss. "Now, I believe it is time for bed. We have an early start tomorrow."

#

It was supremely unfair, Kili decided, that Gandalf could help Bifur and not him or Ori. Not that he wasn't happy that the older dwarf was now able to speak unhindered by Saruman's curse, but he just wished it was as easy for them as it was for him.

Gandalf had shrugged and said it was the nature of the spells. "It's the difference between adding a spell to make the first more effective and removing the first spell altogether," he had explained. "Bifur could always understand languages, they just got mixed up when he tried to speak them. I simply gave him a filter to keep things separate."

On the upside, Bifur's newfound ability to speak made the journey out of the wood more enjoyable, even with the windy and confusing forest path they now had to follow instead of the Great East Road. Why the elves had to force them to Thranduil's stronghold so far north of the road was beyond him. It simply added unnecessary time to their journey.

Now that Bifur could articulate words, though, Bofur was currently in the process of teaching his older cousin every single song he knew, which were mostly very bawdy drinking songs. Bifur was a quick study, and with Nori and Dwalin more than willing to pitch in for harmony, they made quite an entertaining troupe. Kili had to admit it was also endlessly entertaining to see Dori's face become more and more scandalized with each verse as he attempted to distract Ori from the lyrics.

Gandalf seemed equally amused at the dwarrows, but sobered after they crossed the stone bridge over the forest river and cautioned them to keep their voices down.

"Thranduil's forces keep most of the northern Greenwood safe, but orcs have built a strong base in the south of the wood at Amon Lanc," he informed them. "Small groups of them often infest the Dark Mountains and scout out the elves' movements. We do not want to attract their attention if we can avoid it. They will already be drawn to us by the magic certain members of our company carry."

Kili had to resist rolling his eyes as Fili stepped closer to him as if to protect him from unseen enemies. "Orcs can sense magic?" he asked Gandalf instead.

"Orcs are descended from elves tortured and twisted by the Melkor before the First Age, so they share some of the same abilities as the Eldar, including the ability to sense magic."

"But they can't tell what the magic is, right?" Fili asked urgently, shooting a worried look at Kili. This time, Kili couldn't fault him for the concern. He didn't like the thought of being controlled by a bunch of orcs.

"Very few could identify the type of magic on you, Prince Kili," the wizard assured. "Just like very few elves could identify it. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Besides, it is very unlikely that we will encounter any orcs. The wood-elves keep them mostly at bay."

#

Kili would lack on those words of the wizard as a jinx much later, once they were clear of the Greenwood and journeying south along the Anduin. To be fair, though, they had managed to journey for nearly two weeks along the Great River before running into trouble. Kili wasn't particularly in the mood to be fair, though, when roused in the middle of the night by Dori's cry of alarm.

Kili quickly untangled himself from Fili before jumping up and readying his bow. Fili unsheathed his twin swords at his side.

"Can you shoot them?" the golden prince whispered.

He shook his head. "They're not in range yet."

Which was a good thing, he knew. Dori had been able to raise the alarm fast enough to give them time to plan a course of action. It helped that the land between the river and the edge of the Greenwood was flat and relatively empty. Dori had spotted the orcs as soon as they crept out of the trees.

"There are too many of them to fight off," Gandalf said. "We are nearly at the bridge that will lead us into the realm of Lothlorien. The orcs will not follow us."

"Are you sure?" Bofur asked nervously, holding his mattock nervously as he eyed the orcs drawing ever closely.

From what Kili knew of orcs, he knew that they were lucky that these weren't riding Wargs. They were moving so fast, though, that this fact wasn't as comforting as it could have been.

"Yes, now run!" Gandalf ordered.

For once, Kili barely registered the curse forcing him to obey. He kept his bow out as he turned and ran, grateful for the bright moonlight that kept them from tripping in the darkness.

The bridge was in sight when he heard a grunt of pain at his side. He turned his head and stopped in horror as Fili stumbled into his arms, arrow protruding from his right calf. Trying very hard not to think about the poison likely on the arrow, Kili looped his arm around the prince's waist and helped him limp on with Fili's arm across his shoulders, cursing their slow pace as more arrows came perilously close to them.

"They're going to kill us both at this pace!" Fili hissed, trying and failing to put weight on his injured leg.

"I'm not leaving you behind," Kili insisted.

Fortunately, their predicament had been noticed by their companions, and suddenly, Dwalin was there, throwing Fili's other arm over his shoulders. Between the two of them, they were able to support Fili between them and go faster.

It was a relief to finally make it to the bridge. Kili cursed the sure-footed elves for their careless architecture as he realized that the bridge was too narrow to accommodate three dwarves walking abreast.

"I've got him, lad!" Dwalin told him. "You go first!"

Kili gritted his teeth as the order forced him to leave Fili's side but he didn't argue, not wanting to waste time. He made it across the bridge quickly and waited anxiously as Dwalin all but carried his prince across. He took his place at Fili's side as soon as they were off the bridge, hearing the frustrated cries of the orcs in the distant.

In relief, he helped Dwalin carry Fili as they plunged into the golden woods of Lorien.

Tbc…


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

They were barely into the wood before they were surrounded by elves. Kili pulled Fili closer to him, not wanting to be separated from the prince like he was the last time they encountered elves. Given the way Fili tightened his grip on him as well, the blond hadn't forgotten or forgiven the other elves either.

'Do not be afraid,' a feminine voice reverberated in his head, seeming to come from nowhere and everywhere. Kili would have been annoyed, but the order didn't affect him that much. It wasn't fear that was coursing through him at the moment. It was more like wariness. 'No harm will come to you here.'

"Who said that?" he asked Fili in an undertone, eyes darting around trying to find the speaker. All the elves around them, though, appeared to be male, though he would be the first to admit he couldn't always differentiate between male and female elves.

Fili gave him an odd look. "Nobody said anything."

"I heard a voice," he explained in confusion. "Did you not hear it?"

The blond prince shook his head, glancing about warily. Before he could rely, though, two elves stepped forward and swept Kili and Dwalin aside, taking over their positions in supporting Fili. Kili panicked, moving to surge forward to knock them away as he remembered other elven hands that had separated them before, but the voice was suddenly back.

'Let them take him,' whoever she was said. 'He is in need of healing.'

The curse made him cease his struggles, and he could only watch and trail along helplessly as the elves hurried Fili forward and deeper into the wood. Though the entire company followed them, it was only Kili, Dwalin, and Gandalf that accompanied the elves up a delicate, winding set of stairs to a structure built high in one of the golden trees.

Kili watched an elven healer instantly take over, pressing gentle probing hands along Fili's wound and frowning thoughtfully as the arrow was carefully removed. The healer said something in his own tongue that Kili didn't understand. Before he could ask, though, the voice was back, whispering to only him.

'It is not poisoned,' she informed him, causing him to sag in relief. Dwalin shot him a confused look before Gandalf repeated what the voice had already told Kili.

With dawning horror, Kili realized that the voice was speaking _inside his head_. And apparently the curse still applied to whatever orders were given to him through such communications. Whoever the voice was, she could make him do _anything_ and _nobody would know_. Nobody would be able to give a counter-order.

'I will not take advantage of your enchantment,' she assured.

How could he believe that, though, when she had done so _already_?

'All will be explained, Prince Kili. Be patient.'

He scowled at the order. It was on the tip of his (internal?) tongue to lash out at her and tell he was _not_ a prince just to annoy her before Fili's words came back to him.

_'You are a prince of Erebor. Never forget that.'_

His scowl intensified, but this time it was more out of fond annoyance than actual anger. It was no doubt a slip of Fili's tongue, and a rather innocent one at that. Part of him wanted to at least _pretend_ to be angry at his golden prince, but he knew that it was better if he didn't mention it to Fili. No doubt, the other dwarf would just beat himself up about forcing Kili to do something, even if it was something as simple as remembering Fili's words.

He shook away his thoughts and ignored the voice for now, looking at the grave faces of Dwalin and Gandalf. "I don't understand," he said. "The arrow not being poisoned is a _good_ thing, right?"

"Aye," Dwalin replied seriously. "But the question is _why_ wasn't it poisoned."

"Orcs rarely use arrows that aren't poisoned," Gandalf explained. "The fact that this one wasn't combined with the location of the wound suggests they wanted to capture rather than kill."

Kili's blood ran cold at that. "Meaning they knew who Fili was."

"The king has many an enemy among the orcs," Dwalin answered. "And Prince Fili is fairly recognizable."

"Prince Fili can also hear you," the prince said from the as the elves took their leave

"This is my fault," Kili whispered in a choked voice. "Fili is in danger because of _me_."

"No," Fili said firmly, reaching a hand out for Kili, who took it automatically. Fili pulled him down onto the bed with him and wrapped his arms around him. Dwalin and Gandalf tactfully slipped away to give the princes more privacy. "None of this is your fault. Please don't think that way."

Kili shook his head. "There are orcs following us that want to capture and do who knows what to you. If it weren't for me, you'd be safe in Erebor right now."

"You didn't ask to be cursed," Fili murmured. "You didn't ask for me to follow you. And you didn't ask for orcs to follow us. It all just happened."

"Maybe we should go back to the mountain," he suggested, burying his face in Fili's chest. "We can manage the curse without the wizard's help. I'll stay confined to our quarters as much as possible. I won't go anywhere alone. I'm sure between the dwarrows with us, we'll have enough people to rotate guard duty."

"I'm not going to keep you locked away under guard your entire life," Fili stated firmly. "You'd never be happy that way."

"I'd be happy if I were with you!" Kili protested earnestly. "And we don't know if the wizard will even remove the curse! Gandalf said Saruman was stubborn. It's likely he won't even help. What's the difference between giving up now and giving up when he refuses? Shouldn't we just go home before something worse happens than an arrow to your calf?"

"I'm not going to take you back to the mountain cursed," the blond prince said. "You're too much of a free spirit to be happy there under constant guard. We'll make a home together somewhere isolated, where no one will ever make you do anything you don't want to."

The idea was appealing. A small cabin in the middle of the woods somewhere, Kili hunting with his bow, Fili keeping him warm at night. No one to order him around. No one who could make him hurt Fili.

But it was just a dream, really.

"We couldn't do that," he said mournfully. "Your father…"

"Would understand," Fili assured. "We'd have children who could be heirs to the kingdom once they came of age. Everything would be fine."

"I don't want you to give up everything for me," Kili protested.

"You are my everything," he replied earnestly, pressing their foreheads together heavily. "You don't have to worry, Kee. I love you, and no matter what, we'll be together. I promise."

Kili wanted to argue further, more afraid that something was going to take Fili away from him than anything else, but he could see the prince's eyelids drooping due to the medicine the elves had given him. Sighing, he placed a gentle kiss on Fili's lips before urging him to sleep, tucking his head under Fili's chin and just listening as the prince's breath evened out.

He had almost drifted off to sleep himself before the voice was back in his head.

'Come,' she said simply.

Almost without thought, he silently extracted himself from Fili and climbed down the steps built into the tree. It was a strange compulsion he was under. It wasn't like what he felt under the curse. It was more dream-like, more inviting. Vaguely, he noted that Fili would probably be upset that he had left without waking him, but he couldn't bring himself to be too concerned.

His feet seemed to know where to go even if he had no clue what his destination was. When he stopped within a small enclosed and secluded area of the wood, he frowned. This was apparently where he was supposed to be, but no one else was around.

He only had to wait a few moments, though, before a voice broke through his confusion from behind.

"Welcome, Prince Kili."

It was the same voice from before. He whirled around, angry at being brought here against his will now that the dream-like trance was broken. His movements stilled, though, as he took in the beauty of the figure before him. She was tall, pale and golden and radiating such serenity that his anger melted away.

Still, just because he wasn't angry, that didn't mean he had to address her.

His sullenness must have shown on his face because she gave him a distinctly amused look. The silence stretched on between them until Kili could take no more of it.

"Who are you?" he bit out, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

"I am the wife of Lord Celeborn, whose hospitality your company is enjoying," she replied with a smile. "Galadriel is my name."

He knew propriety would have him bow politely at her answer, but he had had enough of elves and wasn't too inclined to show any of them any sort of good manners. Besides, she _had_ forced him out here. If she wanted niceties of court, she should have requested to speak to him instead.

She laughed suddenly, the sound as refreshing as rain. "You are a stubborn one, aren't you? I suppose you have had to be," she said in a more somber tone. "It will serve you well in breaking your curse."

Kili looked at her sharply at that. "Gandalf says it cannot be broken."

She gave him a sad smile. "Mithrandir believes Curunir can be convinced to lift your enchantment."

He assumed those were other names for Gandalf and Saruman. He furrowed his brow as her words sunk in. "But you don't think he will?"

"Curunir will not admit to making a mistake. He has too much pride for that," she stated. "He will not help you."

Kili felt his stomach turn to lead at that. Saruman had been his only hope. It had always been a small hope, but it was all he had. Was he doomed to be cursed forever then? Could he really let Fili to give up his life in Erebor for him? Even living in isolation, his curse could still be a danger to Fili.

Maybe it would be better if he just slipped away now. Maybe then Fili could go back to the mountain and be happy.

"You must not give up hope," Galadriel stated firmly, the order instantly pulling him out of his despair. "You can break this curse."

"How?" he asked desperately. "What must I do?"

"What you have been doing," she replied cryptically. "The enchantment is meant to make you obedient. As long as you fight, the magic take complete hold."

"I _have_ been fighting it!" Kili snapped. "I've done nothing _but_ resist it!"

"And it will be noticed," she assured him. "Magic cannot go incomplete for so long without garnering attention."

"From whom?" he asked suspiciously.

"By the one to whom Curunir belongs," she replied.

"He's not being very vigilant," Kili muttered bitterly, drawing another laugh from the lady.

"You are young and have been sheltered most of your life," she said with a shake of her head. "He has not had reason to worry for you yet. He will and he will be most displeased. That is why Curunir never bestows his 'gifts' on royalty. He watches them more closely than most."

"If he's been watching Fili, how can he not have seen me?" he asked in confusion.

She shook his head. "He probably has not worried for Fili as of yet, either. You are both so young," she said sadly, a far off look in her eye. "The magic must _not_ be complete when he sees it or he will not be able to reverse it, not entirely at least. He will still be able to take away the compulsion, but you would be forever changed."

"Changed?" he asked fearfully.

"You would be obedient," she answered. "Submissive and passive and content to let others make decisions for you. You would not be yourself."

Kili shuddered. He couldn't imagine changing into such a creature. "But as long as I fight it, as long as I don't give in, he will find out about the curse and take it away, right?" he asked desperately, not entirely sure who "he" was but not really caring.

"He has always been fond of the Line of Durin," she said with a reassuring smile. "He would not abandon the one who would bear it. It could be years, though, before he takes notice. Decades even. Those will long lives often let time escape them."

"I can wait," he said absently, minding whirring with possibilities. They could go back to the mountain. Forget this silly quest to Isengard. Get Fili back where he would be _safe_, back to where they _both_ belonged. Where they _all_ belonged.

He frowned as he considered his companions. "What about Ori?"

Her smile slipped from her face. "I'm afraid I have no advice there. "Curunir will not help him, any more than he will help you."

"And the one he belongs to?" Kili asked, scrunching his nose up at the awkwardness of the question when he didn't even know the name of his would-be savior.

"If he were to notice, he would help him as much as possible. The little one has already let the magic take hold of him, not a terrible fate. There are worst things than a predominantly happy disposition," she explained with a tilt of her head. "He could remove the compulsions, though, if the magic were known to him, but he would not likely be looking."

"Could we just _tell_ him about it?"

"An opportunity like that would be difficult to come by," she said sadly. "And it is best that it does not come to pass."

Kili bit his lip. "Are you _certain_ Saruman will not help?"

"It is difficult to be certain about the future actions of others," she answered. "People have the capacity to surprise even the wisest. However, Curunir has never been surprising in his pride."

"So traveling to Isengard would be foolish?"

"That is a decision I leave to you and your companions," she stated with finality, bowing her head before gliding out of the small clearing and out of sight.

Kili watched her go, frowning in thought as he considered their options. Saruman seemed like a foolish dream at this point, but could they just go back to the mountain and _hope_ Lady Galadriel was right in that some mysterious person would eventually lift his curse? And what about Ori? Even if he could be sure _his_ curse would be lifted, what about the other dwarf's? Could he really ask the small dwarf and his brothers to give up all hope and go back to the mountain with him and Fili?

But Fili was in danger the longer they were away from the mountain. The golden prince of Erebor was far too recognizable, and the king had many enemies.

He sighed as he began making his way back to where he left Fili. It was too big a decision to decide on his own. He would explain what Lady Galadriel had told him to everyone, and then they could all decide what to do.

His vote, he knew, would be to go home. He had had enough of elves, orcs, and Fili being in danger.

Tbc…

A/N: Those of you who also read His Savior will know this, but this will be my last update for a few weeks. Finals are starting (which is why this took so long to begin with) and I will be studying :(


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

Kili waited to tell Fili what had happened until everyone had gathered together the next day around Fili's bed, where he had been ordered to stay by the healers. As he expected, Fili was resistant to the idea of turning back now.

"I don't trust her," Fili stated as soon as he was finished, tightening his grip on Kili's hand. "How do we know that she is not simply trying to ensure you remain cursed? Her power to speak inside your head means no one could protect you against her orders."

Gandalf glowered at him. "The Lady of Lorien would not be so dishonorable as to lie so I would ask you, your highness, to not disrespect her again."

"But you disagree with her," Kili pointed out. "You believe Saruman can be reasoned with."

"Lady Galadriel has always been distrustful of Saruman," he explained with a thoughtful look. "I have never received a complete explanation as to why. I always assumed it stemmed from whatever occurred between them before I came to Middle Earth. However, though Saruman can be prideful, he is not uncaring or unwise."

"I bet he counts himself as wise and caring too," Nori commented shrewdly.

"Aye," Bofur agreed. "Probably thinks all he does is done with wisdom and care."

"That does _not_ mean he cannot see reason," Gandalf argued. "I still believe you should still go to him. Kili and Ori both will only suffer more if you don't."

"It's another month's journey to Isengard," Kili reasoned. "Counting the return journey, that's two more months' worth of unknown peril. If we know that Saruman will not help, why risk it?"

"I agree," Dwalin said. "The princes have already been in too much danger on this cursed quest. And now with orcs havin' recognized Fili, I'd prefer we get back to the mountain sooner than later."

"This decision should not be made out fear for me," Fili protested, eyes flashing to Kili, who had the decency to look guilty. "I am perfectly capable of defending myself, and I won't let any harm come to Kili either, from this journey _or_ from remaining bespelled longer than necessary. And what of Ori? Kili might have a hope if the lady is correct, but not Ori."

"If the wizard won't take back Prince Kili's curse, he won't help Ori either," Dori said mournfully.

"Are we sure Saruman won't help though?" Bifur asked. "Gandalf has helped us this far. His advice can't be discounted."

"Ori's curse can be broken, though, right?" Kili said, looking at Gandalf in askance. "You said some curses could be."

"Well, yes, but only through great tragedy," the wizard replied ruefully.

"Great tragedy?" Ori said, speaking up for the first time. Kili glanced at him for the first time since they had gathered. He felt guilty even looking at the other cursed dwarf knowing that, by arguing to give up their quest to see the White Wizard, he was condemning Ori to a lifetime of being cursed.

He just couldn't risk Fili for the other dwarf, though, not when there was such a small chance of success. If that made him a terrible person, so be it.

"Most spells of this nature can be broken only by an extremely strong force in opposition to it," he explained. "In your case, Ori, it would be a sorrow so great that no compulsion could make you happy."

The entire company sobered at that, each one considering exactly how great a tragedy would need to be to cause such sorrow. Kili was sure that none of them wished that on Ori, not even if it would break his curse.

"The orcs we escaped from will be lying in wait for us to exit these woods again," Fili pointed out. "If the whole point of cutting our journey short is to avoid further peril, running straight back to them doesn't seem the way to do it."

Kili hadn't thought of that.

Gandalf smiled at Fili. "Prince Fili makes a good point. The orcs believe there is little friendship between dwarrows and elves, so would not expect you to seek shelter with them long. They will be waiting for you to come back the way you came. Even if you were to avoid crossing the river, they would follow you from the opposite bank."

"Or they might think we continued on through the woods and will be waitin' for us when we come out the other side," Dwalin countered.

"It would take at least a week for an orc party to go around the wood," Fili replied. "If we leave soon, we can be gone before they even think to circle around."

"Can you even walk on that leg, laddie?" Dwalin growled in exasperation.

"It's only a flesh wound," he scoffed. Kili didn't believe that for a second, not when he had seen Fili's wince as he sat up in the bed to speak with everyone.

"If it's a matter of orcs waiting for us on our way out, we could always just wait here a while longer," Dori suggested. "No need to go all the way to Isengard to escape a pack of orcs."

"I am continuing to Isengard," Fili declared, eyes flashing defiantly. "I will go alone to plead Kili's case to the White Wizard if necessary."

"Well _I_ am going back to Erebor," Kili challenged stubbornly. "And _I_ will travel alone if no one else joins me."

The rest of the company shifted nervously as the two of them glared at each other.

Bofur cleared his throat nervously. "Well, I think we'll all just be going and let the two of you sort out where we go next."

"No, Kili's right, it's safer to turn back," Fili said. "Which is why you'll all be escorting him back to Erebor."

Kili grit his teeth. He wasn't sure if Fili was serious or if he was trying to call his bluff, but he wasn't going to give up without a fight. "If we're going to split up, I think Gandalf, Dwalin, Nori, Dori, and Ori should go with you," he said with a considering look. "Bofur and Bifur will be enough to see me back to Erebor safely."

Fili narrowed his eyes. "Dwalin goes with you," he countered.

"All due respect, _your highnesses_," the guardsman said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "But we all know that neither of ya is going anywhere with that other. Now we're all gonna give ya some privacy to fight this out, then ya can tell us where we're gonna go."

"It's not just our decision!" Kili protested uselessly as they began shuffling out. "What about Ori?"

Nori shook his head at that. "You let me and Dori worry about Ori. We've taken care of him this far. You're our princes. We follow where you go."

Kili looked down guiltily as they all left them. It was a lot harder to be selfish and put Fili's safety over lifting Ori's curse when the entire company would follow him and Fili in whatever they decided.

He sighed and gave Fili a pained look. "I hate being apart from you. Don't send me back to Erebor without you," he begged.

"You don't have to worry about that. Dwalin's right," Fili admitted softly, reaching out to cup his face and press their foreheads together. "I won't be parted from you again."

"I just don't want you to get hurt again," he confessed. "Not again. Not when the only reason you're not safe inside the mountain is me."

"You weren't safe inside the mountain," he argued. "You're _still_ not safe inside the mountain. Not entirely, even if someone trustworthy were with you at all times."

"Lady Galadriel says that the curse will eventually be lifted," Kili pointed out. "I'd be safe then."

"And how long would this mysterious savior take to lift it, even if the elf can be trusted at all?" Fili asked. "She said herself it could be decades! You could be made to do who knows what in the meantime! I've told you I won't take you back to the mountain cursed and I mean it. And who's to say this all-powerful being will find us if we're not in Erebor? You could be cursed forever then!"

"You think I'd care if I lost you?" Kili said in choked voice, closing his eyes against the tears threatening to fall. "Fili… I can't… You're my everything too, you know. Literally. Fili, what am I without you? You're all I have."

"That is _not_ true," he growled vehemently, causing Kili to open his eye to look at him. "If anything were to happen to me, you'd still have my parents. And you'd have the rest of the company. But that doesn't matter because you're _not_ going to lose me. But I can't lose you either, Kili. I _have _to make it so you're safe. The only way to do that is to get your curse removed."

"At the expense of your own safety?"

"I am safer than you," Fili argued, looking distressed. "You think the orcs have not figured out who you are as well? They've seen the braids in your hair. If they are smart enough to know my identity, they're smart enough to know yours. And they'll know you're cursed! What if one is able to figure out how?"

"You'll just have to stay at my side and order me to not listen to them then," Kili assured, sliding carefully onto the bed to lie next to him and tucking his head under Fili's chin. He signed in resignation as he interlocked his hand with Fili's. "We have to keep going, don't we? Even if it weren't for me, for Ori? We have to at least try the wizard."

"We'll be careful," Fili promised. "_I'll_ be careful. Please don't worry about me."

Kili snorted. "I'll stop worrying about you as soon as you stop worrying about me."

Fili laughed. "Fair enough."

They stayed in Lorien for three days to give Fili's leg time to heal. Kili had wanted to stay longer, knowing that, though the wound wasn't serious, it still bothered Fili and made walking painful. Fili, however, had insisted that it was fine, and the elven healers had apparently cleared him to travel, though Kili wasn't sure how much of that was them just wanting the dwarrows gone from their wood.

Kili was grateful, though, to be leaving the golden wood. He supposed it was peaceful in a way, but he could almost _feel_ the magic in the air. It didn't sit well with him, and he was constantly dreading hearing Galadriel's voice in his head again. While she hadn't seemed to bear him ill will, he still hadn't forgotten how she had controlled him. He was leery of her trying it again.

So it was a relief to put the wood behind him them at dawn four days after they had first entered Lothlorien.

"I think you made the right choice," Gandalf said comfortingly as he fell into step next to the two princes where they walked in the middle of the company. Kili rolled his eyes. The wizard got his way. Of course he approved of their decision. "And I wouldn't worry too much about orcs on this leg of our journey," he continued, either not noticing Kili's reaction or just ignoring. "We'll spend most of it skirting the edges of Fangorn Forest. Orcs fear to go near it."

Fili and Kili shared nervous looks.

"Should _we_ fear to go near it?" Fili asked what they were both thinking.

"Only if you plan on making the trees angry," Gandalf replied dismissively before lengthening his stride to get to the front of the company to lead them.

"How do you make trees angry?" Kili said in a panicked voice, looking to his betrothed with wide eyes. "How do you _keep_ from making the trees angry?"

"I'm not sure," he answered, face twisting in confusion. "But I think it is a good thing that none of us favors the axe."

"I've heard tales of Fangorn," Nori spoke up from behind. "They say you go in and you don't come out. Man, elf, dwarf. The forest takes them all." Fili and Kili drew closer to each almost subconsciously. "They say the trees are _alive_."

"All trees are alive," Fili scoffed, shaking his head. "That's why they grow."

"Aye," Bofur chimed in with a grin. "But all trees don't pick up their roots and move whenever they want. All trees can't wrap their branches around a dwarf and crush him to death."

Kili shuddered at that before glaring at them both. "Then I guess we'll just have to make sure we don't make them angry enough to crush us to death, then, won't we?"

"Of course, your highness, but you never know how fickle trees can be," Nori stated, brushing past them with a smirk.

Kili scowled at his back before frowning. "How do you fight trees?" he asked Fili.

"I don't think you do," he answered with a shrug. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that."

Tbc…

A/N: So I met my goal in my outline today so I let myself write! Hope you enjoyed it!


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

"Gandalf, can I ask you something?" Kili said once they had made camp for the night. The company sat in a semi-circle eating dinner, none wanting their back to the dark wood on their right. The only upside of traveling near the forest, though, was that Gandalf had been right—they had had no further trouble with orcs.

"You just did," the wizard replied, puffing on his pipe absently and ignoring his dinner. Kili was almost convinced that he existed only on pipe tobacco. It would explain the greyness. "But I suppose one more couldn't hurt."

He fought the urge to roll his eyes. The wizard certainly tested his patience at times. He wondered if all wizards were like this, or if Gandalf was just a special kind of annoyance. "What did Lady Galadriel mean by 'the one Saruman belongs to'?" he asked, trying to keep the exasperation out of his voice. "Who was she talking about? The one who favors Durin's line and would life my curse were it known?"

Gandalf raised his bushy eyebrows in surprise. "I had thought that was obvious."

"Aye, about as clear as muddy water," Dwalin said sarcastically from the other side of Fili.

The wizard ignored him. "Each of my kind belong to specific Vala. Saruman belongs to the Vala Aulë."

"Mahal," Fili breathed reverently, spoon full of stew frozen half way to his mouth. He lowered it slowly, still gazing at the wizard in astonishment.

Gandalf smiled and nodded. "Yes, that is the name he is called by you dwarrows. So you see, Prince Kili, the Lady was quite right in saying that Aulë would be extremely cross with Saruman for harming his children, especially those he is especially fond of. Of course, Saruman does not see himself as harming you. He thinks he is helping you."

"Is that why so many he 'helps' are dwarrows? Because he belongs to Mahal?" Ori asked pleasantly from Dwalin's side.

Kili did a double take as he caught how close the two were sitting. How had he missed that happening? He scowled down at his stew. And how was it fair that Ori could practically sit on Dwalin's lap, but if his and Fili's bedrolls were 'too close,' Dori jumped down their throats?

"You know, I've never thought about it, but that seems about right," Gandalf replied, stroking his beard thoughtfully. "Saruman does tend to favor your race with his gifts more than any other."

"Do you—"

Whatever Ori was going to ask, though, was cut off by a series of loud cracks coming from the depths of the woods next to them. The dwarrows were on their feet in an instance, weapons drawn uneasily as they stared into the dark of the trees, the silence somehow more ominous than the odd cracks from before.

Kili fingered the arrow he had notched nervously. He didn't think their weapons would be any use against trees.

After a few moments of silence, they reluctantly lowered their guard.

"We need to get away from this cursed forest," Dwalin spat, arm still thrown out in front of Ori protectively.

"We should be to the Entwash by tomorrow night," Gandalf commented, still puffing on his pipe in an unconcerned manner. "We're making good time. We should reach Isengard in less than a fortnight. If you want to get there faster, I suggest we get some rest now and get an early start in the morning."

The company heeded the wizard's advice and settled down for the night, Bifur taking the first watch.

Kili felt a stab of guilt go through him once more as he lay down in his bedroll. He had argued to be allowed to be put in the watch rotation, but even he knew that it was a bad idea. He'd be more of a danger to them than he already was.

He shook away his self-pity as Fili lay down behind him and pulled him close.

"Soon, âzyungâl," Fili breathed into his ear. "Once we get to Isengard, once Saruman sees how much his gift has hurt you, he'll _have_ to remove it."

Kili wished he had Fili's hope. Ever since his conversation with Galadriel, he had come to view seeing the wizard as pointless. Fili, though, had apparently adopted Gandalf's belief that Saruman could be reasoned with. Gandalf's revelation about the savior Galadriel spoke of, though, kept running through his head.

Asking Saruman for help might be a fruitless endeavor, but at least Saruman seemed reachable. He might not have paid much attention to Balin's lessons, but he remembered enough to know that the last documented contact with Mahal was over a millennium ago. It was a little hard to believe that their Father would intercede on _his_ behalf.

It was a little more believable that he would do so for _Fili's_ sake.

Still, the hope Kili had gotten from the elven lady had greatly diminished.

"I love you," he said instead of responding to Fili's words, trying to not let any of his despair seep into his voice.

"I love you, too," the prince murmured before his breaths quickly evened out in sleep.

The remaining trek around Fangorn seemed to drag on forever, though in reality it took a little over a week. The dwarrows spent each day watching the forest warily and rested tensely each night. Needless to say, they were all grateful to round the southern edges of the Misty Mountains and the tower of Orthanc came into view, small, though, in the distance as there was still about a two day journey before they reached their destination.

"You've been quiet," Fili commented that evening after they had made camp, pulling Kili aside in order to get some privacy and ignoring the suspicious look Dori sent his way. "There's no reason to be nervous to see Saruman. I will be right beside you the entire time."

"I'm not nervous. I'm just… afraid you'll be disappointed," he admitted. "I don't think Saruman will listen to us."

Fili pulled him close and rested their foreheads together. "He _must_ listen. I will make him," he vowed. "I will do whatever it takes."

He pursed his lips unhappily. "Not _whatever_ it takes," Kili protested. "Removing this curse isn't so important as your own safety. You are not to tempt him into working his magic on you."

"You shouldn't worry about me," the prince murmured, bringing his hand up to rest on the back of Kili's neck. "Besides, Gandalf said that Saruman doesn't put spells on royals, remember? Even he knows that that would cause too much imbalance in the world."

"He cursed me. I'm a prince too, as everyone seems so keen to remind me," he quipped back with a smirk.

Fili laughed. "Yes, you are, and you always have been," he agreed, eyes twinkling. "The White Wizard needs to do his homework better next time."

They stood there a moment, soaking in each other's presence, before Kili sighed and looked away. "I do not think Saruman will help me," he confessed sadly. "I'm afraid all of this has been for nothing."

"Then I will find somewhere safe where we can live until Mahal lifts this curse from you," Fili promised. "The other dwarrows will return to Erebor and have the entire mountain join us in praying to him for this favor, and my father will send envoys to every dwarven settlement and ask them to pray with us. With every dwarven voice lifted in prayer on your behalf, Mahal will surely have mercy on you."

Kili shook his head. "That seems like a lot to ask for just me."

"Kili," Fili said seriously, bringing his hands up to cup the brunet's face. "You do not realize how beloved you are by our people. Why do you think Bombur sent Bofur and Bifur after you? Why do you think Dori gives me dirty looks whenever I'm alone with you? Why do you think Nori's eyes you as carefully as he does Ori? And you know Dwalin would sooner cut his own arm off than see you hurt. All the dwarrows in Erebor remember the small dwarfling running wild around the mountain and laughing at whatever game you and I were playing at the time. Do you really believe that any of them would let you suffer if they could help in any way?"

"I guess not," he muttered, overwhelmed at the thought of so many dwarrows caring about his well-being. When he was being forced to stay with Olga and Holgar and cut off from the royal family, he had felt so alone. He hadn't realized he had anybody else he could turn to.

"And no matter what happens, I promise we will always be together," Fili swore.

Kili smiled and nodded. "Together."

And two days later, with Orthanc looming ominously in front of them, the two princes, hand in hand, led the company into the Ring of Isengard, where the White Wizard was waiting for them at the base of his tower.

"Welcome, Prince Fili of Erebor," Saruman greeted magnanimously, dipping his head ever so slightly in respect. "You and your company are most welcome at Isengard. And Gandalf! It has been many years, old friend, since you last darkened my door."

"We come to beg for your help, master wizard," Fili stated regally.

The wizard sighed heavily. "I was afraid it was something like that. Unfortunately, your highness, I do not meddle in the affairs of royals and their kingdoms. You'll find me no more help than I assume you found Gandalf, though I am curious why you are traveling with them," he said, addressing the other wizard.

"The wrong they come to have righted, Saruman, is of _your_ doing," Gandalf informed him pointedly. "You've inadvertently broken your own rule against meddling with royals by giving one of your 'gifts' to Prince Kili here."

"Ah, Kili, yes, I remember the name," he replied, gazing thoughtfully at the young brunet. "You look very little like your mother. I suspect you take after your father. I see you've followed your aunt's footsteps and have promised yourself to a prince, but I see no reason I should punish you for that by taking away your gift."

"Please take it away," Kili pleaded. "It's been nothing but a curse."

"Nonsense," Saruman said indignantly. "The gifts I give improve the lives of those who receive them."

"Begging your pardon, master wizard, but the one you gave my brother Ori has hurt him as well," Dori argued politely.

Saruman eyed Ori critically. "He is happy. How does that hurt him?" he said dismissively. "I've never had any complaints before."

"Perhaps nobody's situation has ever been quite as dire as Kili's or Ori's," Gandalf suggested.

"And how, exactly, are their situations 'dire'?" Saruman asked derisively.

"Maybe this is a discussion that is better had inside after we have all rested," the other wizard said, obviously not liking the way the conversation was turning.

"No," the White Wizard stated. "I do not think I would welcome the ungrateful into my own home. We continue this now or not at all."

"Kili's entire will can be taken from him!" Fili cried vehemently. "He's been enslaved by his stepmother, molested by his stepbrother, and forced to flee in order to not be turned into an unwilling assassin. How is that not dire?"

Kili shifted uncomfortably under the stares of the other dwarrows of their company. None of them had been aware of how his stepfamily had treated, though he thought Fili's assessment made it sound worse than it actually was.

"He seems to have survived intact," Saruman observed. "And I'm sure his experiences have made him who he is today, the dwarf you claim to _love_, your highness. You should be thanking me."

"Please," Kili begged, deciding to try a different tactic. "I love Fili. If someone were to force me to betray him or ki—or hurt him…" he trailed off, unable to articulate how much he would hate himself. "Please take back your spell."

Saruman considered his plea for a moment, eyes boring into Kili's own. "No," he declared finally. "I will not. Go and be happy with your obedience."

Kili smiled as he felt the familiar compulsion of the spell go through him. He knew he wouldn't have been happy before about the compulsion, and there was no reason now beyond Saruman's order. That didn't stop Saruman's order making him _happy_ to follow his order, no matter how much it horrified him.

None of his companions, though, noticed his reaction, all far too outraged at the dismissal by the White Wizard.

"We will not leave until you remove this curse from my betrothed!" Fili warned, eyes flashing dangerously.

"You will leave, master dwarf, or I will _make_ you leave," Saruman countered, standing tall with a menacing aura around him. He then turned and stalked into his tower, shutting the door firmly behind him.

Kili happily moved to turn and leave, stopping only when he realized Fili wasn't moving. Instead, the prince was facing Gandalf.

"What should we do?"

Kili had to stop himself from rolling his eyes at the question. Saruman told them to go. What else would they do but go?

"I suggest the rest of you go beyond the Ring and make camp among the trees just outside the wall," the Grey Wizard said, glaring at the closed tower door in consternation. "I will attempt to reason with Saruman. It may take a day or two, but I may be able to talk him around. Do not leave without me. I may be able to shorten your trip back to the mountain whether or not I am successful with Saruman."

Fili nodded and turned to Kili, giving him an odd look for a moment before sighing. "I am sorry, Kili, but there's still hope yet," he said earnestly.

He shrugged, tugging Fili's hand and leading him away from Orthanc with a smile on his face, needing to follow the Saruman's order to go.

"Kili, wait," Fili said. Kili smile widened as he stopped moving and turned to face Fili, who cursed as he realized what he said. "Sorry, I didn't mean to order you."

"It's alright," Kili replied, giving the blond a significant look. "I'm happy to be obedient, just as Saruman told me to be."

Fili's eyes widened in realization. "Do not be happy to be obedient unless you want to be," he ordered immediately, countering Saruman's order.

Kili sighed in relief and sagged against Fili. "Thank you. I was afraid…"

"Shh," Fili soothed, wrapping his arms around Kili's shaking form. "It's alright. We countered it in time."

Kili knew it was ridiculous to be as upset as he was, but it felt as if his entire will was taken away completely with Saruman's order. It was like everything that made him _him_ was taken away and it had _terrified_ him.

"We should make camp where Gandalf said," Fili told the other dwarrows. They agreed wordlessly, walking ahead of the two princes to give them some privacy, though Dwalin kept close enough to keep an eye on them.

"I've fought against the curse for so long," Kili whispered in despair. "But I never considered that someone could order me to give in."

"I won't let them," Fili vowed, pressing their foreheads together and holding Kili's face in his hands. "I swear it. I will allow no harm to come to you in any form. Do you trust me?"

"With my life," he answered without thought.

"Then please trust me with this," Fili said sincerely. "Please do not despair. Please let me be your hope, just as you are mine. And as long as we are together, we will always have hope."

Kili gave him a small smile. "And we'll always be together, right?"

He nodded. "Right."

Tbc..


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

"It's been more than a day," Kili commented, peering through the trees to catch a glimpse at Orthanc in the light of twilight. "How long are we supposed to wait?"

"Gandalf told us to wait so we should probably listen," Fili replied with a shrug, wrapping an arm around his betrothed's waist. "If nothing else, we can catch up on some rest for the journey home."

"How do we know Saruman hasn't turned Gandalf into lizard or something?" Bofur asked, looking up from the block of wood he was whittling.

"Aye, the White Wizard didn't seem too keen on discussing anything," Dwalin remarked.

"Surely a powerful wizard like Gandalf would be able to handle himself without being turned into anything… unnatural," Ori said good-naturedly.

"We've been with him since Greenwood and haven't seen one display of his power," Nori replied with a roll of his eyes. "Unless you count his power to drive you crazy with his uncanny ability to talk without saying anything."

"Then you two have something in common then," Dori quipped, giving his brother an unimpressed look.

Kili ignored the bickering of the two brothers that ensued after that remark, choosing instead to shift uneasily as he glanced around at the trees surrounding them. They had chosen a small clearing just inside the treeline to set up camp. The small wood hadn't seemed ominous yesterday, but now, Kili could not shake the feeling that they were being watched.

He said as much to Fili in a low voice.

Fili's blue eyes scanned the trees around them. "Dwalin has first watch tonight. I will make sure to tell him to be extra vigilant."

"Maybe we should scout out the area?" he asked, fingering his bow.

"Too risky," the prince replied with a shake of his head. "If anything is lying in wait for us in the trees, they would likely just pick off any scout we sent. Our company is too small. We have a more defensible position in the clearing."

"Is it safe to sleep?" Kili said, worrying his lower lip between his teeth.

Fili considered for a moment. "There's been no sign of any danger," he said finally. "An uneasy feeling isn't enough to justify not getting rest. If we were to stay awake and we were too tired to defend ourselves later, that would do us no good."

"You're right," he conceded, still staring into the trees.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you, Kili," Fili said seriously, wrapping his other arm around him and pulling him close.

"I'm not just worried about me," he said, leaning into the embrace.

"I know, but it'll be okay. I promise."

Despite Fili's assurances, Kili found no rest that night. He made sure to keep his breath even so as not to alert Fili when he got up to relieve Dwalin from his watch. He didn't want his betrothed to worry about him. It was difficult, though, without Fili's arms around him. He felt even more exposed outside the safety of his betrothed's embrace. And he couldn't help twitching at every sound coming from the trees.

Thankfully, though, Dwalin and Fili's watches both passed without anything happening. As the sun began rising during Bofur's watch, Kili began to believe he had been worried about nothing and allowed himself to relax as Fili's arms pulled him close once more, managing to slip into sleep just as the first morning birds were beginning to chirp.

Kili startled awake some time later by a loud noise. He jerked up and looked around, relaxing only when he saw that it had just been Ori tripping over Dori's stew pot. He frowned as he noticed how high the sun had gotten. He had slept to nearly midday.

"Finally awake, I see," Fili remarked from his side, looking up from sharpening a knife.

"You should have woken me," he said, sitting up fully and rubbing his face with his hand. "I shouldn't have lazed about all morning while everyone else did all the work."

The prince shrugged and went back to sharpening his knife. "There's not so much work to be done when we're just waiting around for Gandalf. And I know you didn't get much sleep last night. I told you that you didn't have to worry."

Kili gave him a sheepish look. "It is hard to make yourself not worry. But since I slept all morning, I should make myself useful now. I'll gather some firewood."

"I'll come with you," Fili said immediately, setting the knife aside and making to stand.

"You stay here," he replied with a roll of his eyes. "If there was someone waiting to attack in the trees, they would have attacked last night. I think it's safe for me to go get some firewood."

"You don't know that," his betrothed protested.

"It'll take all of twenty minutes," Kili argued. "I'll be right back."

Fili frowned before sighing. "Fine, but I'm timing you."

He laughed. "Of course you are," he said with a shake of his head before slinging his bow and quiver over his back.

He crept into the trees quietly, figuring that there was no use scaring away any potential game that he might be able to shoot.

He was barely ten feet into the trees when he spotted a large hare hopping around the base of a nearby tree. As quiet as he could, he unslung his bow and notched an arrow. Before he could release, though, he felt the cold bite of metal at his throat.

"Do not move and do not make a sound," a voice hissed in his ear.

Kili froze where he stood, watching in horror as a group of orcs materialized around him, surrounding him. A tall, pale one stepped forward and chuckled. "Erebor should know better than to let one of its treasures wander into the world alone," he said with a cruel smile. "Drop your weapon."

Kili scowled as he dropped his bow and immediately tore himself out of the lax grip of the orc holding him, taking advantage of the fact that the previous order hadn't specified how long he had to follow it. He ran towards camp, not surprised when he was grabbed before he reached it.

"FILI!" he cried, kicking out behind him and trying to break free. "Orcs!" he yelled in warning, not wanting the others to be caught unprepared.

"Be silent!" the orc holding him snapped. "And stop struggling."

His mouth clamped shut as his limbs stilled. He was grabbed roughly from behind, all the while glaring at the pale orc with hate.

"Bring him to the dwarven camp," the pale orc ordered, giving Kili a ruthless smile.

He began struggling once more as he was dragged back the way he had come. Kili could guess what their plan was, and he would _not_ be used against Fili. Not if he could help it.

When they made it to the clearing, the other dwarrows were ready with their weapons. Kili felt the kiss of a blade at his throat once more. He stilled his movements, not wanting to risk having his throat sliced open.

"Drop your weapons or this one dies," the pale orc barked.

Kili caught Fili's horrified eyes and tried to shake his head. "Don't—ah!" Kili cried out in pain as the orc holding him yanked his head back by his hair and pressed the blade closer to his throat.

"Kili!" Fili called, fear written on his face. He let his swords drop from his fingers. The others followed his lead and let their weapons fall to the ground as well.

Kili wanted to scream in frustration. How could they give in so easily? He wasn't worth giving up their lives for! He had never hated himself more than he did as watched helplessly as his friends were bound and gagged in front of him.

The pale orc then stepped closer to Fili, chuckling at the prince's hate-filled glare. "Prince Fili of Erebor. You never should have left your mountain," he told him with an evil grin. "Now, you'll never return."

"No!" Kili cried, struggling against the orc holding him once more, but it was useless as other hands reached out to help hold him.

The pale orc laughed again and stepped away from Fili. "No, let him go. Little dwarf, you will not attack any of us," he ordered.

The hands released Kili, but a much more complete hold took hold of him as the curse gripped him and kept him from striking out against their captors.

The pale orc came closer to him and smirked at him. "Now, little dwarf, you will take this knife," he said, placing a blade in Kili's hand. "And you will plunge it into the prince's heart."

Kili choked on a sob as the order registered with the curse. He heard the muffled cries of the other dwarrows, but he only had eyes for Fili as he staggered closer to him. He racked his mind for a way, _any_ way, to get out of the order, but it was too specific order.

He stopped his movements forward with extreme effort, shaking with the effort it was taking. His stomach rolled with nausea as he fought the curse. The ground lurched under his feet and it was hard to tell up from down. His blood was roaring in his ears, exacerbating the throbbing pain in his head. He bit his lip as the pain started. His skin felt like it was being stretched too tight over his bones while simultaneously being held over a fire.

Pain as he had never felt came over his body. He bit his lip to keep from crying out, well-aware of Fili's eyes on him. He could do this. He _had_ to do this. He could break the curse for Fili.

"No!" he sobbed as his feet moved towards Fili of their own volition. He tried to stop his steps, but he wasn't strong enough. He wasn't strong enough to save Fili. He couldn't fight it.

His hand shook even as it gripped the knife tightly and rose in preparation to deliver the killing blow.

Fili's blue eyes looked up at him, gleaming with love and forgiveness. How could he kill him? Tears streamed down his face. He couldn't kill him, but he couldn't stop the curse. He wasn't strong enough! Fili was the most important thing in his world, and he wasn't strong enough to save him.

He wished the curse would just kill him instead.

He gasped with his hand poised to deliver the blow, no longer shaking as he stopped fighting the order.

There was really only one option for him.

"I love you," he whispered to Fili. "And I'm sorry."

He thrust his arm down, the blade in his hand piercing clothing and tissue easily.

Fili's eyes widened in horror as he realized what Kili was doing a second before the deed was done.

Kili smiled faintly at his love as his knees buckled under him and he fell limply to the ground, knife buried deep into his own chest.

The pale orc had told him to plunge it into the heart of the prince, and he had. He just hadn't specified _which_ prince's heart to stab.

Because Kili was a prince of Erebor as well.

As his vision faded and death's grip took hold of him, Kili could hear the screams of rage and despair that made it through the gags of his companions. He could only hope that they would find a way to escape.

He caught one last look at Fili before everything faded to white. Even with his face crumpled in heartbreaking sorrow, he was beautiful. Kili hated that he had to leave him, but Fili was alive.

That was what was important.

As long as Fili was alive, he could die in peace.

Tbc…

I'm sorry! But it isn't over yet!


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

Kili opened his eyes to blue skies.

He sat up and took in his surroundings, frowning in confusion. He had never seen the sea before, but the vast blue body of water before him could only be that. Soft white sand shifted beneath him as he clambered to his feet. He could see greenery beyond the edges of the beach, but they seemed impossibly far to him for some reason.

Where he was seemed completely contradictory to where Balin had taught him that dwarven spirits go once they returned to the stone. The beach before him looked nothing like what he had believed the Halls of Mahal would.

"Hello, Kili," a deep voice said from behind him.

He whirled around only to come face to face with a tall man he was sure had not been there before. At least, Kili thought he was a man. He had rounded ears like the men of Dale, but he had the ageless beauty he had come to associate with elves. He knew, though, that elves did not have beards, and the being before him was sporting a closely cropped brown beard. He was also taller than any man or elf Kili had ever seen.

"Hello," he returned the greeting, feeling at ease with him even though he didn't know who or even what he was. "Sorry, but I do not know you."

"You need not apologize. I am the one you call Mahal," the being replied with a peaceful smile. "I am afraid, though, that I owe you an apology. Had I been keeping a better eye on Curumo, this never would have happened."

Kili instinctively seemed to know that he was referring to Saruman. "It is not your fault, my lord," he assured. "You did not place the curse upon me. I am just happy that it didn't make me hurt Fili."

Mahal turned sorrowful brown eyes towards him. "Do you believe your death will not caused the young Durin more hurt than any mortal wound could possibly cause?"

He flinched and looked away. "I would rather not think about it. There was nothing else I could do. I couldn't kill him."

"I know," the Vala said with a sad smile. "But your lives are too tightly entwined for your death to mean anything but his as well. If not by his own hand, then by simply losing the will to go on."

Kili closed his eyes in pain. He had wanted to save Fili's life. He wanted him to _live_. He couldn't blame Fili, of course. If their roles were reversed, he wouldn't want to live without Fili either.

"You have been very strong and brave, Kili," Mahal continued. "It takes a lot to break a spell as strong as the one Curumo placed on you."

"But I didn't break it," Kili pointed out. "I… killed myself. I took the coward's way out."

"No," Mahal stated firmly. "You committed an act of great defiance. Instead of following an order as it was intended, you twisted it to serve your own purposes. You defied your obedience to the point of death. Such an action in direct contradiction to the magic upon you and in that magnitude broke Curumo's spell."

He snorted derisively. "It does me no good in death, though, does it?"

"Oh, Kili," he replied with a shake of his head. "The wrongs of Curumo are mine to set right. Starting with your death."

"Y-you mean… you're sending me back?" Kili asked, not daring to hope.

Mahal nodded with a smile. "I am, which is why I directed your spirit here, instead of the halls of your ancestors. You have much left to do in Arda, and there is no doubt that the Line of Durin will end without you."

"Thank you," he breathed in relief before terror seized him. "Will it be in time to stop Fili from…?"

He didn't want to even finish the question. He didn't want to consider the possibility of Fili's own death.

"The dwarrows of your company have kept him from doing anything drastic for the moment," the Vala told him.

"Did they get away from the orcs?"

"I sent Curumo and Olorin to them as soon as the situation became known to me," Mahal explained. "They arrived in time to free your companions. They managed to defeat the urqui with the help of my wife's children. Fili and your other friends are now well on their way to Erebor on the wings of Manwë's messengers."

Kili wasn't sure what all that meant, but Fili and the others were safe. That was all that mattered.

"What about Ori?" he asked suddenly. "Can you lift his curse from him?"

"There is no need," Mahal assured him. "Ori has broken his curse as well."

"What? How?"

The Vala gave him another sad smile. "Do you really think that anyone who loved you could watch you take your own life and not feel sorrow?"

"Oh." He hadn't thought about that. At least one good thing came of his death, then.

"Are you ready to go back now?"

A slow smile spread across his face. "Yes. Yes, I am."

Mahal and the beach suddenly disappeared, leaving only darkness in their wake. There was a roaring in his ear and an eerie feeling of floating. No, not floating. Flying.

He quickly recognized the roaring in his ear as the wind. Why was it so dark?

He furrowed his brow before realizing that his eyes were shut. Oh, well that explained the darkness.

With a supreme effort, he managed to open his eyes a crack. He blinked in confusion at the dark fabric in his face before he recognized it as Fili's tunic.

Fili was clutching him desperately to his chest, his body shuddering against him as he sobbed quietly into Kili's hair. His heart ached for the prince as he realized he was speaking to what he thought was Kili's dead body.

"Kili, no, please, don't leave me, please, you promised, please, âzyungâl, come back to me," he was muttering. With a start, Kili realized that, even when he thought him dead, Fili still would not order him.

He raised his arm and rested a hand on the back of Fili's head, causing him to gasp and jerk back to look down at him.

"Fili…" he mumbled, exhausted from the effort it took to move.

"Kili," he breathed, bringing a hand up to his cheek. "Please tell me this is real."

Kili smiled weakly at him. "It's real. I'm alive."

Fili crushed him to his chest once more, burying his face in Kili's neck with a sob. "_Kili_."

He held onto Fili just as desperately, hardly daring to believe that it was all over. "I'm here," he whispered, tears of his own leaking out of his eyes.

Fili pulled back and pressed their foreheads together, laughing in pure relief. "You are," he said softly, wiping away Kili's tears with his thumbs. "But how?"

"Mahal sent me back to you," he replied.

"And the curse?" Fili asked in concern.

"Broken," Kili said with a grin. "I'm free. _We're_ free."

Fili grinned before pulling him into a kiss. Kili pressed himself closer to Fili, wrapping his arms around his neck and deepening the kiss. Their tongues battled for dominance as they mapped out each other's mouths. Kili moaned before breaking away and gasping as a falling sensation overtook him, causing his hold on Fili to tighten.

"It's okay," the prince soothed. "I think we're landing. We're home."

It was only then that Kili realized they were riding on some sort of large bird. An eagle, the part of his mind not worried about falling to his death supplied absently. He needn't have worried, though, because before he knew it, Fili was sliding off the great bird, Kili still clutched in his arms.

Their homecoming was quieter than Kili had expected. When he looked up to see why it was so somber and heard the gasps of the dwarrows gathered nearest them, he quickly understood the reason.

Fili and he were obviously the last ones to arrive, and judging by the stricken looks his aunt and uncle's faces as a sorrowful Dwalin spoke to them, news of his death had preceded them.

"Father!" Fili called, striding forward still carrying Kili.

He would have protested that he could walk, but he wasn't quite sure if the muscles in his legs were up for the task of supporting his weight. Dying was exhausting, it would seem.

Dwalin looked as if he had seen a ghost when they approached him, Kili smiling weakly at him, fighting to keep his eyes open. Thorin stared at him as if he had never seen him before. Dis, though, had no problem rushing forward with tears in her eyes to wrap her arms around both her son and nephew.

"My boys," she murmured through her tears. "I had thought we'd lost you both."

"Fili, Kili," Thorin said in a stern voice. "While I give thanks to Mahal that you have both been returned safely, I do believe that you both owe some explanation over why you left and what exactly has happened on your journey."

"Of course, Father," Fili replied respectfully with a bow of his head. "But first, my betrothed is in need of rest. Dying and coming back to life has used much of his energy."

Kili's eyes finally slipped close, but not before he registered with amusement the cries of shock that came with Fili's statement.

He woke some time later on a soft bed, with Fili's arms holding him close. It was dark except for the dying embers of a fire, but the chamber was instantly recognizable as Fili's bedroom. Next to him, Fili was sleeping soundly, and Kili was loathe to wake him after all he had been through.

Still, Kili felt the need to at least stand up, so he eased out from under the prince's arms and carefully climbed out of bed. Shivering slightly at the chill in the room, he padded over to the fire and threw a couple of logs onto the flames and stoking it back to life.

In the brighter light of the fire, he stared down at his chest, still covered in his blood-stained tunic. Fili must have truly been exhausted himself to have not removed it.

He wasn't sure how he felt about his brief death. He was grateful to have been brought back, and grateful that his actions broke the curse, but he would rather not think about what could have happened. He shifted his gaze from his tunic to where Fili lay sleeping.

A knock sounded at the door, breaking him out of his thoughts before they could get any further. He hurried to answer it, not wanting whoever it was to knock again and wake Fili.

He froze as he opened the door to reveal Thorin.

"Your Majesty," Kili greeted without meeting his eyes, figuring he had lost whatever familial right to informality he had by dragging Fili on such a dangerous journey. "Fili is sleeping."

"Kili," the king said before stepping forward and sweeping him into a surprising hug. "I am so happy you are safe. You'll never know how my heart broke to think you dead for even such a short period of time."

"I am sorry," he murmured, melting into his uncle's embrace.

Thorin shook his head. "No, there is nothing to apologize for. From what Dwalin tells me, I should be thanking you."

"You two can stop lingering at the door," Fili's sleepy voice called from behind Kili. "I am awake."

Kili smiled as he moved out of the way to allow Thorin in as Fili lit a couple of lamps so that they could see better. Thorin took a seat in an armchair by the fire as Kili joined Fili on the settee.

"I hope you two don't mind that I took the liberty of having invitations sent out for your wedding," Thorin said mildly, a slight twinkle in his eye. "I figured since the two of you decided to become betrothed without my knowledge, it was only fair that I set a date for your wedding without yours."

"As long as it is as soon as conceivably possible, I do not care," Fili replied with a laugh. "It took me forever to get Kili to agree to put the braids in his hair."

Kili rolled his eyes. "Forgive me if I wanted to make sure your father could approve of the betrothal before it was made."

"You'll have to wait the three weeks it will take the delegates from the Iron Hills to get here," Thorin said, eyes full of amusement.

"You did not invite Thranduil and his ilk, did you?" the prince asked suddenly, turning deadly serious. "I will not have that bastard at our wedding."

Thorin growled. "The wood-elves are lucky I do not take what they did as an act of war against Erebor."

"And Kili's stepfamily?"

"Do we have to discuss them?" Kili interrupted before Thorin could answer. "I want to put my time with them behind me."

"They will be punished, Kili, for what they did to you," Thorin said gently but firmly. "I've already decided to banish Olga for treason against the royal family. But Holgar touched you, and I could have him executed."

He shook his head in a panic. "He didn't get that far!" He turned his head to look imploringly at Fili. "I promise, he didn't get that far!"

"Kili, shh, I know," Fili soothed, wrapping his arms around him. "It wouldn't change anything if he had. But he still touched you with intent. Father could have him executed or could banish him. He just wants to know what you want."

Kili thought about what he wanted for a moment before turning back to Thorin.

"I don't want him to hurt anyone else," he said firmly. "In or out of Erebor."

The king nodded seriously. "Then I will ensure that he will not. Now, I know the both of you are still tired. I shall leave you to your rest," he said, standing. "And Kili," he called, turning before he walked out of the room. "I was always going to approve of this betrothal, whether you could give Fili children or not. You two belong together, and Mahal knows all of Erebor knows better than to try and keep Fili away from you."

Kili sat there stunned as he watched his uncle leave and shut the door while Fili just chuckled and pulled him close.

"I told you I was going to marry you or no one," he murmured, brushing kisses against his neck. "Everyone knew that but you, it seems."

"It seems we will have a short engagement," Kili commented, moaning and tipping his head back to give Fili more skin to nip.

"So it would seem," Fili replied, kissing his way up Kili's throat before capturing his lips in a deep kiss. The brunet slid smoothly into his lap, throwing a leg on either side and straddling the prince. "Kili…"

"Fili, please don't make me wait," he begged breathlessly. "Haven't we waited long enough?"

The prince's hands settled on Kili's hips and stilled their movements. "I love you, Kili, and I will honor you by upholding our traditions and waiting until I declare you mine in front of Mahal and all our kin and kith. Will you not honor me in the same way?"

Kili sighed and collapsed into Fili. "That's not fair."

"I know," he replied with a chuckle. "But Mahal has given me back to you, so I will not dishonor him or you by disregarding our traditions."

"He really did, you know," Kili said suddenly, looking up into Fili's confused eyes. "Give me back to you, I mean. He was the one who brought me back."

Awe settled over Fili's face. "You met Mahal?"

"Mmmm," he hummed as he nuzzled into Fili's chest, fatigue once more settling over him. "Remind me to tell you about it sometime."

"I'll hold you to that," he replied with a chuckle before standing and guiding Kili back to bed.

"I love you," Kili slurred sleepily as Fili's arms pulled him close.

"I love you too, my Kili."

The End.


End file.
